Wednesday, August 26, 2009

2/4

I have four friends who knew my other self. I don’t really make friends whom I wanted to know my other self but sometimes you just need someone who can relate to you – someone who basically have similar, if not the same, issues and battles with you. Only four of them knew more of me than the other people I have slept with. Here are the first two:


I met Dan* over YM. I was on a special channel in YM talking and making fun with everyone who frequent the channel when Dan sent me a PM. He told me that he was actually there observing the exchange of messages and then kind of interested in me (in what I wrote really). I told him he was lucky not being booted out of the channel because only a certain number is allowed in special channel and if you don’t respond to chatters; usually the moderator/s will boot you out.


Dan told me he was simple and just looking for someone to talk too. I know gasgas na ‘yung lines na iyan but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was nice but kind of boring. He asked for my photo and we exchanged. He looks ok but not really my type. Since he was very friendly, we became friends.


One day he invited me for a pool game (that would also be our first meet up). I agreed on seeing him before I went to work. He is so much nicer in person and kind of sweet but I can see that he is sad and often times I would catch him starring blankly over nothing. I didn’t ask but he told me his story anyway.


He was having problems with his best friend who happens to be his ex. His ex was very new to this kind of lifestyle so it only follows that he would like to explore a lot. They become a couple but his ex would continue on exploring. His ex being bottom; he was worried his ex might get sick because of his activity – meeting a lot of men and having casual sex with them. His ex assured him that he will only love him but can’t give up meeting other men for sex. After a while he can’t take it any longer, they broke up.


His love for his ex is great that he can’t move on. He still worries about him even if his ex found someone else. His ex new partner also agreed to his being promiscuous (ganda naman niya) but their relationship didn’t last that long too. No matter how many people Dan met, his heart still belongs to his ex.


Since I was new to this lifestyle as well, I decided to give Dan a try. I mean, I’ll try my best to help him forget his past and move on and forward. I really don’t have any special feelings for him but I thought that he needed me. I know that what I am about to do is one of the worst but I thought this might help. I make him fell for me and he did, it pains me sometimes but I know this will help him eventually and who knows I might fell for him too (which didn’t happen, sorry).


I stopped meeting and dating other people and spend most of my free time with him. Sometimes I would make an issue and kulit-kulit him so that he would feel important. I let him slept with me in a motel (first time, scary kase pareha kayo then papasok doon). Then later let him visit me in my pad if my room mate was not around. I know. I know this was all play for me but I am sincere in helping him. I thought he was able to move on finally when he told me that he will introduce me to his ex, referred now as his best friend. I agreed. I am quite excited actually, finally, to be able to put a face to the person who put him through all this misery.


Then I met Bert*, Dan’s ex and now his best friend. He was almost as tall as Dan but fairer. I bit chubby but good looking. Now I have a hint why men on top drool over him, Dan most specially. Again, he was not my type, sorry.


Bert arrived at Gloriatta later after I met Dan. I think Dan did that on purpose. Bert talks a lot. He’s funny but kind of shallow was my first impression on him. Like Dan, you will not know “what” he is until he will tell you. Bert invited us to spend the night at his parents’ house.


We arrived there already pass 1am and Bert’s mom is still awake, waiting for him. He introduced me to his mom and told her I was a friend. He told us to go to his room to check his PC (Dan agreed on fixing it). When Dan and I were already on his room, I heard his mom asking Bert.


“Sino na naman ‘yung pinapasok mo dito, Bert? Sino-sino ba ‘yan,” his mom inquired angrily.


“Friend ko nga. Ka-officemate ni Dan. Diba sira ‘yung PC ko at aayusin nila,” Bert snapped at his mom.


“Eh bakit late na kase,” his mom continued.


“May pasok sila bukas at ngayon lang may oras,” he replied and turn away from his mom and entered his room.


He closed the door, locked it and began to undress. He kneeled in front of Dan, openned up his zip and began sucking him. WTF!!! I saw Dan closed his eyes and feeling what Bert’s is doing to him. What is this? This is not what I signed in for. I’m getting a hard on. I just can’t help it. But I decided not to join, instead I lied on the bed and tried hard to take a nap (pagod na rin ako). Then I just felt hands trying to undress me, sucked one of nipple. I didn’t open my eyes, I am actually enjoying it. It was Bert. He was now fully naked and was being fucked by Dan. I am in deep sh!t. I am actually enjoying it. So I went with the flow.


I kissed Bert; I don’t like how he kissed though (grabe parang bumabaha ng laway) so I held his head and led him to suck me instead. He was good, very good. Dan knows how to kiss but I don’t like how he sucks. One can’t have it all.


Bert was enjoying every minute of it. He sucked me while being bottomed by Dan. I don’t suck and definitely not a bottom so I give them a minute to have fun. I watched them.


Dan obviously still has feelings for Bert. I thought I changed him and made him forget his pain but I was wrong. His feelings or obsession even to Bert is so strong. The way Dan looked at him, the way he touched him, and the way he kissed him. Maybe, that’s why I decided to watch instead (because they still have strong feelings for each other). Even Bert, but I think his hunger for casual sex is stronger so that’s where the problem lies.


Their story is sad. Twisted and mad.


We continued to see each other. The three of us would watch movies together, stroll around the metro and provinces nearby together and we enjoyed every minute of it. Kakatawa kase para kaming three-way lovers pero wala naming commitment. Months din na ganun status naming. There were times I would spent some nights at Berts for fun or to accompany him in meeting new people. We would often make fun of ourselves. There were days when I spent it with Dan alone to accompany him on his hook-ups. Until Bert announced that he will be leaving for work abroad. We all realized that our current set-up won’t really last forever.


One day Bert decided to meet me alone. He told me that he can’t take it that Dan and I will eventually end up together. Bert's terribly jelous of me but can't help liking me too. Bert thinks that I don’t take Dan seriously, if it wasn’t true I would have argued with Bert, but since it’s true I told him that when he leaves I’ll remain Dan’s friend and nothing more. I felt Bert’s sincerity. He still loves Dan too but had to end their relationship because of what he is. He accepted the fact that he’s promiscuous and until he changes he can’t be in a serious relationship. He even bothered talking to me to make sure of Dan’s well being.


When Bert left the country, I distanced myself with Dan. I changed my number and did not bother checking on him. I guess I was embarrassed. I judged them based on Dan’s story without knowing Bert first. I can’t tell Dan what I’ve done so I let Bert do the talking if ever and whenever he feels like to. I was guilty of leading him into something that will only make matters worst. So I left Dan too.


I guess the world is not that big at all. I received a letter from Dan. He told me that Bert told him everything. Dan told me in the letter that his feelings for me don’t change at all. He still loves me but respects my decision not to push through having a relationship with me. He still wants to be friends with me. Again, guilt haunted me. Realizing what I’ve done and my intentions were. Then one day, I finally realized that everything happened for a reason – a learning experience for the three of us.


Until this day the three of us remains as friends. Bert change a lot. He is a one man person now, as he claims. Dan just broke up with last relationship but not giving up. Then me, I’m still with my partner in 4 years (whom I met months after Dan and Bert). When Bert’s on a vacation here, we get to meet and had fun like we used to (minus sex, of course). Sometimes, I decline meeting Dan because he would request for sex which I can no longer consent to because I’m taken (he thinks I can do it if Bert was able to, but I’m different, I told him so but he keeps on nagging me). Maybe it’s my kiss or my size that keeps Dan requesting for it as what he and Bert used to tease me before.


I’m happy that were able to go through all those things – happier now that we’ve matured. It makes me cherished our friendships even more.


Xoxo


The Curious Cat


*Not their real names for discretion. And wait for my next story for my other 2 “friends”.

18 comments:

  1. hindi ko pa fully nababasa, maya konti, pero i have to ask

    ano ang ibig sabihin ng Xoxo?

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  2. haha. grabe ah. kaloka. pagpasok sa room. sex agad na parang uhaw na uhaw. auko magkaroon ng ganyang partner. hayok masyado!

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  3. @prince cloud hugs & kisses...

    you're lucky you get to keep friends you meet online who are like you. I actually haven't met alot of friends here yet.

    maybe i should start an account in sites that caters to people like us.

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  4. Eight years of being a non-straight and I've never entered such kind of set up. Should I think of my experience as limited, or should I acknowledge that I kept the lines of friendship and sex mate drawn clearly.

    Nalungkot ako sa kuwento mo. I don't know, pero had I been in your situation, my outlook of the world would be far, far darker.

    Hope you were already a blogger when my first blog remains public.

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  5. @Prince_cloud nasagot na ni engel.

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  6. @Jin oo grabe talaga siya dati. buti na lang na meet nya na ang current partner niya at laki na ng pinagbago niya. pag nakita mo siya ngayon parang gawa gawa na lang 'yung nangyari sa past niya. sana nga tuloy tuloy na pagbabago niya.

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  7. @Engel medyo mahirap makahanap ng mga kaibigan na tulad natin. I mean, kase most ng mga tao dito sex ang hanap at intention. Parang itong 2 na naging kaibigan ko. ganun din intention nila sa akin noong una, ako din naman.

    Siguro kung d ako nagtyaga malamang hindi ko nakilala ang mag totoo nilang pagkatao. mahaba pa ang story namin 3 pero pina-iksi ko na lang sa mga worst na mga nangyari.

    kaya engel caeful ka din at huwag pabayaan ang sarili mo.

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  8. @Knox_galen good for you, sa akin kase medyo noong "baguhan" pa lang ako sa pag explore, iba kase agad ang mga taong namimeet ko.

    Madami pa mga ganyan. may worst at may ok naman. siguro tinadhana na din siguro kung ano man ang nagyari at the good thing was we became good friend. Kase in the end ikaw pa din mag dedecide kung anong klaseng buhat gusto tatahakin at kung ano gusto mo na gagawin. Siguro pag nagpabaya ako mas naging darker siguro buhay ko pero i choose not to.

    abangan mo pala ang kwento ko sa next 2 friends ko. sa kanila kase medyo na save ang pagkatao ko at hindi tuluyang napariwara. salamat na din at nakilala ko ang partner ko ngayon, malaki talaga ang naitulong niya sa akin at inahon niya ako sa maari kung papatunguhan.

    I'm sure I haven't read your entries when your former blog was still private. I am hoping to have a glimpse of it though. Baka may maputlot ako na mga lessons doon.

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  9. mejo na speechless ako sa pinagdaanan mo

    kaya ang masaasbi ko lang

    people come and go.

    still, true friends will choose to stay inside our hearts.

    =D

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  10. @Prince_Cloud katiting lang yan. Madami pa ako worst. Kaya I deicided to create a blog para may release ako. So it won't haunt me in the end.

    Tama ka. true friends choose to stay.

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  11. mali kasi frndly sex.

    ewan ko ba ang iba jan hobby na yan.

    buti ako di ko hobby yan.

    matino ako. nabait pa. kalbo at negro nga lang hhahaha

    chill ka lang. piliin mo kakaibiganin para di ka mapahamak sa kamay ng masasama

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  12. @Dencios dati pa un now hindi na. pag friends na wala na ganun. lalo na pag may partner na.

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  13. wow. friends with extra benefits talaga. but you still stuck it out with them like a worthy friend. saludo bro!

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  14. @Ash hehehe dati un ngayon wala na extra hehehe.

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  15. bongga! ahaha=) buti ka pa at may lablayp na..=) lol wish me luck too=) xoxo

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  16. @Mickey hehehe kaw talaga. be patient dude. Sige na nga goddluck!

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