Thursday, August 13, 2009
When we were young we used to play bahay-bahayan with our childhood friends. Most characters we play were nanay, tatay, anak, at katulong. It was a fun game. I’m always looking forward every time we play bahay-bahayan.
“Laro tayo bahay-bahayan,” invited Nene*.
“Sige ba,” I gleefully replied.
“Doon na lang tayo sa likod ng bahay nyo doon sa bakanteng bodega,” she suggested.
“Sige para malaki naman ‘yung bahay natin,” I answered.
Nene and I turned towards the voice and it was Jojo.* He’s of the same age as Nene. I’m younger that the both of them.
Jojo was your typical neighbor who always wanted to join even if he knows that other children don’t want to play with him. He looks good but his attitude is otherwise. His big and the kind you don’t want to be on his bad side.
Nene, on the other hand, was tall. She towered most of us. She’s sweet and yet very prying. In short, tsismosa. But she’s a very good friend and you don’t want to be on her bad side either or else she’ll spread rumors about you – the nasty ones.
Nene and I had no choice but to let Jojo play with us. I think Jojo has a big crush on Nene from the very start. It’s the way he looked at her. He won’t admit it though.
“Ne!!! Nene,” Nene’s mother was calling her when we’re about to go to the backyard.
“Kayo na lang muna maglaro. Tawag ako ni nanay eh. Sunod na lang ako,” she told us while running towards her house.
“Tara, doon tayo maglaro sa may likuran sa maliit na kwarto,” Jojo suggested.
“Pero sabi ni Nene doon daw sa kabila. Baka mahirapan iyon maghanap,” I replied.
“Makikita din niya tayo doon kase maghahanap iyon. Tsaka may salamin doon diba na makikita tayo pagpumasok siya sa kabilang kwarto.”
“Sige na nga,” I told him.
When we were inside, all the windows were closed because it has not been occupied. I came in first and Jojo followed. Suddenly he pushed me and pinned me down. He seized both of my wrists by one of his arm while the other hand was trying to yank my pants down.
“Ano ba? Ano ginagawa mo? Masakit iyong kamay ko. Bitwan mo ako,” I struggled and tried to break free of his grip. He’s strong and I can barely do a thing.
“Huwag ka maingay. Huwag kang malikot. Mabilis lang to,” he was telling me while he was pushing himself towards me.
“Ano ba? ‘wag po? ‘wag po. ‘yoko po,” I started to panicked.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Someone is banging the mirror and both of us turn to look who’s banging it. It was Nene at the opposite side of the mirror. She’s trying to distract Jojo from what he’s doing to me. Apparently, Jojo was alarmed, let go of me and run.
I was shaking and as I looked at Nene from the opposite side of the mirror, I felt so ashamed. Humiliated. Disgraced. I pull my pants up and run. I run and run and run. No particular direction. I run just to get away from all what had happened.
I find myself at the back of a very huge stone – hugging myself. I didn’t shed a tear but felt so empty.
It was already dark when I finally decided to go home, fearing that someone might know other than the three of us. Days went by but no words came out. I’m so glad no one really spoke about it. Not even Nene. I owe her a lot.
Even though no penetration really happened, it affects me a lot. I find it hard to be trusting anymore. I was young then but somehow it cost me a lot. It’s like a tattoo you’d want to get rid of but the scars won’t heal. I was not really healed, I think. I can still remember like it just happened a few days back.
Maybe I am like this or I became who I am now because of it. The funny thing is that when Jojo and I come within reach of each other, it’s as if nothing really happens. Even with Nene. But I know deep inside they can still remember what happened and it would be as vivid like the day of the incident.
Unlike before when I used to be so scared, as time progresses I got confused. Later in my adolescent life when a similar incident happened (I’ll tell you some other time), I was thinking of it. Thinking why Jojo did it. What he must truly feel. I wanted to know what it’s like – doing it with another guy. Maybe, just maybe I’ll understand why and finally close that chapter in my life.
So I began hooking-up with other guys and playing Jojo’s part.
The Curious Cat
*Not their real names.
P.S. Photo courtesy of http://www.imagesphilippines.com/images/071807_180754.jpg