Recently, a lot of incident happened (which I might write on a separate entry) to me which results to clients lost. I can’t help being depressed because it’s not entirely my fault. I can’t stop my clients in looking for a replacement because they need the same services immediately which currently I can’t give them.
I am hurting because even my friends don’t seem to bother telling me first before they look for another replacement. Some of the themes and ideas were offered to me first and some ideas were even mine to begin with. Ano lang ba ‘yung sabihin muna sa akin, siyempre, I’ll let them because I can no longer do it for the mean time but the thing is, I don’t hear a thing from them. Nalalaman ko na lang from other people or nakikita ko na lang ‘yung results.
It’s been three weeks since the last time I was able to give my services to my clients. It’s depressing and nerve wracking even. It’s like you’re in one day the next day you’re out.
I am having a financial issue that’s why I can’t replace my computer to buy a new one (computer is needed for the post-production of material before presenting it to the client for final go). I might need to get something from my savings account to get a new one in order for me to get my clients back. Loyalty is not really treasured nowadays. Mapa-client man ito or lover.
Actually, yesterday I was about to buy a new one but when I tried contacting my clients to ask them how they’ve been, grabe no one, as in, one replied. I didn’t buy na lang kase na-depressed na naman ako.
Kanina, one of my friend send me an SMS informing me that they’re ok na daw with our common friend (whom she had a fight with over pride). That they will work on another project with another professional. Grabe, even her! The nerve. So much for friendship. Wala na talaga. I even texted our common friend informing him that I’m good to go na on Saturday but as expected, no reply from him.
I am about to quit. Pero napaisip ako na what I’m doing now is what I’ve been dreaming of when I was little and I am actually enjoying it so why give up now. Instead I’ll make projects for the meantime for myself. Maybe it will help me realize why I am doing it in the first place. It’s not really about the money or the fame. It’s about the recognition I get from other people. It’s about the criticism, both good and back as long as it’s constructive, that I received. It’s for the love of what I do. But then again, given the scenario, I can’t help feeling down.
By the way, yesterday, my partner accompanied me in shopping for new computer. After the search we decided to eat. While walking my partner signaled me to look ahead.
“Psst, may cute,” he told me while pointing at someone (by pouting his cherry red kissable lips, naks).
Siyempre I got excited ako kase alam ko taste ni partner. Sa kamamadali ko tingnan hindi ko namalayan na pababa na pala kami so natapilok ako. Nadapa ako at tuluyan sana masubsob pagmumukha ko sa kalye if I was not able to hold my partners arm.
Dahan dahan ko tinaas ang aking mukha para masulyapan pa din kung sino 'yung tinuturo nya. It turned out that person was actually looking at me. Nakasando at pawis (siguro galing sa pagwork-out kase galit pa mga muscles niya) kaya nanghina ulit mga tuhod ko. I blushed. Sobrang nahiya ako. Kase tago ka nga and then parang na obvious ka tuloy. So I stood up (with grace pa din) and try to brush off the dirt from my pants.
Napatingin ako one more time (the guy still looking at us) then started walking towards the resto na naka-akbay kay partner. Wala na lingon lingon this time.
“Grabe ka. Nadapa ka na nga’t lahat lahat tiningnan mo pa din,” my partner teased me after we get pass through the person he was pointing at awhile ago. “Landi mo kase,” he added.
“Oo nga, cute nga niya hehehe,” was all I could reply.
Sometimes when you're down and low, God will make a way to make you smile. Thank you God.
The Curious Cat
P.S. Image belongs to http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/image/s_handshake3.jpg