Tuesday, October 20, 2009


“Xtian, may nagkacrush sayo dito sa batch natin,” Mac* told me while we were waiting for the training to start. It was the English proficiency training from a call center where I used to work before.

“Talaga? Nako flattered naman ako,” I timidly replied. I’m not sure if I’am blushing or what because I though the person she was referring to was the girl seated across me.

“What if lalaki ang may crush sayo, ok lang ba ‘yun sa iyo?,” she quickly added.

I was carefully thinking of what I’m going to reply and said. “Ok lang, siya naman may crush sa akin eh. Hindi naman ako. So wala ako problem dun,” I replied her.

“Wow, that’s nice,” she said as she left me and went to her girlfriend. Probably going to discuss my answer.

I haven’t got the chance to ask her who, not that I have the courage to ask but the truth was that I am eager to know who was it. In our batch there were like only two obvious gay guy there. Both of whom not my type so I discouraged myself from finding which among the two of them.

You see they have no idea of whom or what I really am.

Then there came a time when our trainer told us to play the game of being in a hot seat. That we should answer three questions truthfully. I am so nervous that they might ask something private that I am not willing to disclose just yet. I really suck in telling a lie so that is not an option.

There was this one guy who was called, it was Jasper*. The first question for him was, “Are you gay?”

“Yes,” he replied. Smiling.

I got so much nervous now. This is vexing. Really. Thinking what kind of questions they’ll be asking me.

Then I ask myself, could he be that person the one Mac was referring to? As much as I’d like to look at Mac, I did not. I don’t know. I was just so afraid to ask. Then he was asked who his crushes on the bunch were. He mentioned my name together with two other guys. I pretend not to listen but I am quite dismayed because he’s not my type either.

Then a few others were called and then it was Ray’s* time. He was asked if he’s in a relationship; he said no but already dating someone. He was asked to describe the girl; he said the girl is actually a boy. The room went silent. No one expected his answer. No one knows he’s gay. Or so I thought, Mac knew all along and her girlfriend. But no evidence or whatsoever could tell that he’s gay. And he was asked about his crushes on the bunch, he mentioned me and Trace.

So he’s the one. OMG. I like him too! From the start of our orientation, I was actually attracted to him too. He’s not tall, about 5’4” I think, has a fair complexion, chubby and very good in singing. Grabe, it’s one of my weaknesses next to good in writing and cooking. I’m a hopeless romantic so I really like someone would sing to me, cook for me or write me letters.

It turned out that many girls from our batch were totally disappointed because most of them had a crush on him, pare-pareha taste naming LOL. Syempre I feel more confident kase he said he like me in front of all the people inside the room.

Siyempre pa, I acted as if wala lang ‘yun.

A few days gone by, he asked for my number. We’re friends na actually and we’re really cool about it. During that time was my first few weeks of awakening, finding this other self in me. I’ve been chatting and meeting up with people on line. Exclusive t guys only. Sabi ko sawa na ako sa girls and had to taste ibang putahe naman. So syempre it’s hard to control ‘yung kalibugan ko. We’ve become textmates. We’ve texted each other a lot. Right after our shift and even after waking up but during our shift we pretend like there’s nothing really going between us. I think nililigawan na niya ako pero I didn’t entertain him kase straight nga daw ako.

Then one day, he texted me if I would want to have a taste of his home cooked pasta. OMG! Marunong siya magluto. Mahuhulog na yata ako sa kanya. So I said yes. He asked if I could could go to his apartment and have him prepared the pasta there. So I agreed. Grabe a lot of things have been going through my mind. What if may mangyari sa amin, will he tell the batch that he got me? Bahala na.

I arrived in his apartment, he greeted me and asked me to seat at the couch while he prepared for the pasta. He handed me his home cooked pasta and it was delicious. In love na talaga yata ako. Then I asked him if he could sing some songs for me, he agreed and wala na. Wala na ako kawala. He drank a couple of beer while he sings and I listen to his songs. We talked a lot about a lot. His past, his likes and even his preference.

It was already dawn so I told him I’m sleepy and probably should go already. He asked to stay and sleep over, I agreed. While we were lying on his bed, he kissed me.

“What are you doing?,” I asked him. I was a bit taken a back.

“I like you,” he told me and started to kiss me again. He hug me (I like hugging, kissing, and cuddling plus he’s really good in singing and can cooked so perfect na siya for me).

“Ok,” I replied as I returned his kiss.

Our romance didn’t flourished more that the stolen kisses inside the men’s room. I’m quite new to all of this and not quite really to be on a relationship. I’m still enjoying my newly found self so being romantically attached was the last thing on my mind.

In fairness to him, he didn’t tell a soul about what happened between us. He still apologizes for taking advantage of me, our friendship, kung alam lang niya. Already told him that it was ok and it’s partly my fault to get confused. Up to now, he still thinks that our encounter was my first and last with a guy. Remember earlier that he told us that he was dating someone, they’ve become a couple and they are still together now for almost 5 years and getting stronger. It was Tim.*

He even introduced me to Tim and he told me na may crush din daw si Tim sa akin later. But he never told Tim that something happened to us before they become a couple.

Kahit papano pala madami nagkacrush sa akin. Weird, bakit konti lang girls nagkakacrush sa akin pero sa guys mejo madami LOL.

Ray was the first and only male officemate that I’m romantically linked with to date.


The Curious Cat

*Not actuall names to hide the real identity of the people in the entry.
P.S. Image is property of http://www.phonewire.com/wp-content/uploads/call_center1.gif


  1. hmmm.. confessional blog.. para lang sa akin. hihihi. :)

  2. haha @pie hindi ko kase kayang sabihin sa mga taong nakakakilala sa akin

  3. Weird, bakit konti lang girls nagkakacrush sa akin pero sa guys mejo madami

    baka kasi nagniningning ang kagandahan mo?


  4. hahaha. para lang akong nanunuod ng precious heart presents... hahahaha! kilig!

  5. @Wandering haha talaga lang ha. pang tv na ba?

  6. Wow, good on you xtian! Better even that you both are attracted with each other.

  7. @Bonbon hehe, I've heard that he already outed himself na sa friends niya pero not sure if he tell his dad na.

  8. i'm confused. for someone who had his first with him, why are you so decided on not giving it a chance at that time and decided on venturing elsewhere. I can't understand that... You can check out my blog here: stuntedmale.weebly.com

  9. nice experience you got there! i enjoyed your entry very much. it's good that you decided to be true to yourself.

    is it okay if i follow your blog?

    rcyan here. visiting and giving a piece of her mind.

  10. Woot!! Naaliw ako sa pagiging open mo ah! Ayos yan Xtian. You've become one of my most favorite blog.

  11. <--- everything you need in one package. Haha.

    But seriously, this was a very good post. Honest and makes for very easy reading. Thanks for sharing.

    Oh and before I forget, call me. Haha.

  12. i had an office fling once. it ended badly.

    that's how i learned not to screw around with people you see everyday.

  13. Enegl: cork 'em na lang kasi hahaha

    oh. hi nga pala!

  14. good thing he was silent about it. he must be a really nice guy.

    as for me, i made it a point not to shit in my own backyard.

  15. @Stunted it's just an infatuation no more

    @Rcyan thanks and sure it would be nice

    @Period oo hehe kiligin ako lol

  16. @Galen nako salamat naman. naks sobrang natuwa naman ako at naging isa ang blog ko sa mga paborito mo.

  17. @Tristan thanks dude. Nasa DC ka mahal ang long distance call lol, pero YM pwede?

  18. @Engel siguro I was lucky at sobrang bait ng ka-officemate ko. hindi ko naman inulit maki-fling sa ka officemate kase napaka-risky

  19. @EW hi din :)

    @John Stanly e curios ang cat na si xtian e so he had to try it once

  20. kinilig ako. sayang nga lang, hindi kayo natuloy. he seems like a nice guy pa naman. :)

  21. @Aris hehe ganun talaga minsan dba. :)

  22. i promised myself that i would never hoop up with anyone within the proximity of where i work or where i live. i guess you could say that i'm a bit paranoid. haha.

    and it's good that he's not the kiss and tell type.