Wednesday, November 11, 2009


The early morning brought cool winds gently but slowly numbing me. I’m freezing. It is the time of the year when Manila normally went chilly. The snow slowly melts from neighboring countries and the wind carries the frosty breeze in the usually humid Metropolitan. I can no longer take the cold so I forced myself to stretch to ease the numbness I was feeling.

I wake up early that day. It’s been few days since I just arrived from the province, spent the Holidays with my family. It was 2005 already, time flies really fast I thought. Since it was my day off from the call center that I used to work for, I decided to go shopping. I know discounts were all over the malls due to the ending season. I haven’t shop for myself because I give most of the stuff I bought last year to my siblings. I even bought mom and dad gifts. I had to start the day early to look for the finest discounted items just for myself.

I arrived early before the mall opened its doors for frugal shoppers like me. There were already a number of us outside patiently waiting for the mall to be opened. I am not surprised because when I used to look for a job, I usually go to mall early to escape from tending my little cousins and end up just like this – waiting for the mall to open.

When the mall finally opened, I roamed around the mall. I used to think that Galleria is my play ground whenever I get bored from sleeping all day at the boarding house, my escape from the metro's scorching heat. I was already mid-lunch were able to buy about 3 shirts and pair jeans when I finally said I had enough strolling.

It was a long day and didn’t expect to spend the whole morning at the mall so I decided to log online. After a while, I received a private message from Ted*, it says:

“Xtian, where you at?”

“At the mall,” I replied.

“Want to craPOST HTTP/1.1sh my pad?,” he offered.

“He’s there? So finally, I can meet him (his partner) na?,” I asked.

“Nope, ako lang dito. Wala magawa. Sige na, I’ll cook for you,” the text said.

“Sige ba. What time? Text mo sa akin paano makapunta sa place mo ha.”

Ted told me to go to his place by 11pm. I took a jeep and it passes Rosario going to Cubao and then took another bus going to his place somewhere in QC.

It was a long ride, I didn’t take a taxi because umandar pagkakuripot ko.

I texted him when I finally arrived at the place he texted me. I waited for a while before someone got out of the building carrying two plastic bags full of rubbish. He signaled me to go near him as he throws the bags away.

“Ang layo pala,” told him.

“Ikaw ang malayo hehe. Tara,” he offered.

His place is small but very nice. Only a lamp posted near the kitchen illuminates the area. The entire place was decorated and posted by film memorabilia (LOTR, Star wars, etc.) and several posters of performers. I already know that he loves music and computers so it’s not a shocker for me to see the set up. In fact, back in college I also put huge posters of movie on my walls given from my classmate who owns a video renting store. What surprise me though are the toys hanging here and there all over the place. He’s a child at heart, prettily like me.

“I’m preparing Pasta – my specialty. Sana magustuhan mo,” he smiled as he chops button mushrooms and black olives.

“Favorite ko ‘yan Ted. Wow, excited na ako,” told him delightfully as I drop the shopping bags that I was carrying on top of the table where the lamp is situated.

He carefully prepared the ingredients and checked the pasta from time to time if it’s ready. I love watching him. It was actually a scene to behold. Wow, I never thought someone would prepare food for me other than my mother. I usually cook for my ex-gfs before but no one prepared one for me. I didn’t know that small gesture would bring him closer to me. Slowly, I am opening my heart for him.

“Ayan na,” he said as he offered a plate of Pasta to me.

“Wow, ang sarap men,” told him while savoring the pasta. It was delicious, more that what I expect actually. He told me that he used to work in a hotel kitchen. Now I know why this Pasta tastes so good. He even told me that next time he will prepare a different one.

We chat for a while and then told me to watch some of his DVD collections. While the movie played he fell asleep. I can’t help but look at him while he sleeps. He looks really good, kind of chubby but it actually complements him. Thick brows and long lashes. His unusual red lips and freckles compliment his fair skin. He looks at ease while he sleeps.

Why I am doing this, am I falling for him? This has to stop, I told myself. He’s already taken and I should not go beyond the limits of friendship he’s given me.

After 2 movies, I decided its time for me to go. I woke him up and told him that the sun is about to rise. That I need to go home because I have work later in the evening and haven’t slept yet.

He accompanied me downstairs and hailed a jeep. I smiled as the jip took me away from him. Absentmindedly, I am hugging my shopping bag thinking that he’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever had that day. That what inside the shopping bag compares nothing to the joy he has given me. At that moment, I was changed. I decided not to play games anymore. Not to hurt people heart anymore - to open my heart again after three years of mourning from heartache brought by my ex-girl friend. I will start to look for someone like him to spend moments with - to finally look and find love.

You see it was him who changed me and the catalyst for me to open my heart and be able to love again. I never thought it was him who brought back the pain that cost me three years of mourning. That caused me to play with other people emotions and struck them pain to my hearts content. I never thought that the old me that I thought was dead eons ago will rise again and “might” play the hunting/hurting game again.

Watch me as I will rise from the grave. 2 months, give me two months and then I decide which path to take. Who knows I might start with Ted.


The Curious Cat

*Not actual name to protect the identity of the person.
P.S. Image courtesy of


  1. I understand that you're hurt but wouldn't you want that cycle of pain/heartbreak end? Take your time and heal yourself, friend.

  2. may ma mi meet ka din someday xtian! :D

  3. bigyan ng sapat na panahon para maghilom ang sugat.

    para matanggap sa sarili na tapos na..

    at oras nang magsimula muli.

    sa aking pananaw, hindi kayang itama ng isang mali ang isang pagkakamali

    sa kaparehong paliwanag na hindi tamang ipasa sa ibang makakasalamuha ang pinsalang natanggap mula sa umalis na kaulayaw.

    be strong.

  4. its a possible rebound if you'll just jump into it... but a good pasta is still a good pasta... ano daw?! hahaha!

  5. You will find your way back should you decide to explore.

    Nakakaguilty pala mag-absent. Nasira bigla momentum ko. Ehehehe.

  6. basta wag mag desisyon habang galit... panu nga ba yun... don't decide when you're angry, and don't make promises when you're happy.. parang ganun ehe

  7. This post made me smile.

    Btw, I added you sa blogroll ko and I'm reading all your entries. Sa ngayon, nasa "Routine" entry na ako. :)


  8. wow! parang masarap yung pasta talaga nag comment.

  9. @Xtian: just read your comment earlier. acutally, i was gonna say that. ieemail nga dapat kita kaso wala nakalagay na email-ad sa profile mo eh, hahaha. anyway, i know where you're coming from. i know how it feels. when i was in your shoes, i honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i thought it's gonna be the end. actually, yung whole thing nga na nangyari sa akin ang naginspire sa aking mag blog kasi dati, parang mababaliw ako, hahaha. kaya naisip ko, i had to let it out. and now, pag binabasa ko yung past entries ko about it, i realized, i made it. i'm here. i was able to move forward. akala ko dati wala ng next. pero i was wrong.

    it's a process bro. wag mong madaliin. figure out as much as you can and try not to hurt someone in the process. been there, done that bro. nakarma lang ako, hahaha.

    and hey, as i've said, things happen for a reason. maybe, that's what you need to find out for yourself. maybe you need to learn something. maybe you need to change something about yourself. maybe you need to grow and mature more. just keep it all together bro. alam kong mahirap yang pinagdadaanan mo pero minsan, may mga bagay na nagtatapos kasi may mas magandang bagay na magsisimula.

    potek, ang haba na naman ng comment ko, hahaha.

    all the best!

  10. xtian,

    i know what you feel but please do try to avoid that vicious cycle again. kaw lang din ang masasaktan...


  11. it's nice to see you looking forward to moving on. but from where you came from, i think it's just time you enjoy being single first. it's nice to have that freedom, even for just a short time. pick up the pieces first before entering something new again. =)

  12. a lot has been said already.

    but at the end of the day, it's your decision.

    it's your life to lead, after all ;)

    *yakap na mahigpit*

  13. xtian...

    cuming na ko. lols

    patawa lang :D

  14. it's the pasta, blame the pasta and compliment the cook hehehe

    thanks for the visits.

  15. love abandoned can really destroy. a person, the ability to love, whatever. it's tragic that when one chooses the dark path after a breakup, it reverberates, affecting others along the way, creating a chain reaction.

    hope you get better. soon.

  16. love is hope. we should not give up on hope. we should keep on loving. madapa man, bangon pa rin. :)

  17. agree with wanderingcommuter, a good pasta is still a good pasta! haha

    pero wag basta basta magdesisyon :)

  18. Itong ipin ko, tadtad ng PASTA.

  19. tama ka siguro time heal all wounds, almost. give time..time.

  20. wag ka ma-pressure, okay lang yan. tama ang sabi ni kuya Mike. at tama rin na time heals all wounds. kaya enjoy mo lang moments ng sa sarili mo lang. =)