Monday, November 23, 2009


I had a very long day yesterday. I already woke up by 7 am because Mina’s* been ringing my phone nonstop. I forced myself to get up even if I still want to sleep some more, I only get to have 2 hours and 30 minutes of sleep.

The sun is up and its rays illuminate my now beige (used to be white) wall. He’s still asleep by my side so I carefully got up so not to wake him up, you see I still refuse to talk to him since the wrong sent message I received from him. I look at him while he sleeps, his breathe is in a constant rhythm and fine lines starts to show on his forehead. He still looks handsome while I’m gaining so much weight. The light being reflected by my wall added the whimsical feel of seeing him sleep calmly, I wonder what or whose he’s dreaming of now.

I stood in front of the mirror and checked the stranger looking back at me. My unruly long hair (my trademark to be different in my field so that clients will remember me from hoards of wannabees out there, I once was a wannabee too so I know how hard it is to penetrate) seemed to be a total disaster. I remember Kim Chiu’s Rejoice commercial and thought that I might to get that shampoo for myself to soften my buhaghag hair, maybe it might do some miracle. It’s been two years since I got myself a proper hair cut. I ought to have Taboo’s (Black Eyed Pees) from their latest video, but worried it might affect my career. Sacrifice - why does it have to be so hard? The person in the mirror was grinning and shaking his head, telling me how silly I am.

My arms are huge now from dragging my stuff (the total weight of the bag is about 190 lbs) whenever I have to meet my clients (and that does not include my 3 other luggage. It’s hard not to have my own car). You can’t see the muscles that once were so obvious except for the triceps. My abs were gone completely and turned into jelly like caterpillar-ish shaped attached to my body. My clients and friends say that I’m lucky to be tall or else I’ll look like a walking ball now. My beard doesn’t help much, so I thought the beard should go first before someone else out there will hire me to play Santa on their children’s Christmas Party.

After examining myself, I asked myself what have I become. I need to bring my old self back again. Two years of stopping from working out and eating the same amount of food could turn you into a stranger you used to hide yourself from, someone you refuse to meet after seeing the person first in an eyeball. Talk about karma.

He succeeded in turning me into this so that no other people would look at me, desire for me, would want me. It’s also because I let him to. I used to feel secured from him, from our relationship so I really don’t care that much how other people see me as long as he’ll be there for me. I remember how he would document my progress (of getting fat) everyday by snapping photos of me and put it in a well kept folder in his laptop.

This has to stop and I must need to do something, I told myself. All I need is two months but my schedule was impossible today. You see, work in the office is piling up and I end up going out by 8 or 9pm. Most of the time, I still have to meet clients for a meeting. My weekends are already booked until March 2010. Have to travel locally and across some countries in Asia. I only get to sleep 4 hours max everyday. What I need now is to review my schedule so I’ll find time for myself.

By 8 am I went to Toto* and Vangie* (a married couple) to fetch Mina who had an overnight sleep there, we ate breakfast. As much as I’d love to play wii with my friend’s son, I declined the child’s request because it’s already 8:45 am and the client’s call time is 9 am. We arrive late (my first, Mina moves like a snail that’s why) so we have to begin the session right away. Some point in the session I excused myself quickly to meet another client from our last session.

By 4 pm we went to the street and after a while we went back upstairs to the client’s condo unit. Then I felt dizzy, it must be the heat. Or I got “hawa” by my client’s sickness. Toto and Vangie came to fetch me and Mina. Toto* is also having colds and fever so I got worried I might get sick later on. By 8pm we finished the session and I’m already not feeling well (again my first). I have to meet another client pa sana somewhere in Makati but called them that I can’t make it because I felt dizzy and might get sick. I was also supposed to meet a friend in Timog but he called up that he’s going na and can’t wait for me.

Toto, Vangie, Mina and I decided to have dinner first before going to another meeting but after dinner I told them that I need to rest na and head home. Told then I can’t afford to get sick because I still have loads of stuff to do in the office the next day. I gave Toto two medicines and have 2 for myself to prevent myself from getting sick. By 9:30 pm I was already home, he was not there so I decided to take a shower, then texted some friends whom I befriended these past few days before switching to my regular SIM.

Upon tuning the phone on, I was bombarded with text messages from one client and was asking me why he didn’t get any from the last session. I didn’t reply instead called another friend. Told my friend that I didn’t deliver any to this client because I’m against violence. I’ve known lately that this client hurts other people physically and how I am against it. Remember, my mom suffered really badly from my Dad so I really don’t care if the client will get mad at me. I have way better and powerful contacts than him, and I’ve heard no one wants to work with him anymore. I also called the other client as to why he did not inform me about this particular client, had I known earlier, I wouldn’t have work with him in the first place.

Before going to bed I took vitamins and some meds to prevent from getting sick the next day. It’s only 11:30 pm and that was my earliest sleep since I forgot.

He woke me up by 6 am, he told me to get up or I’ll be late. Saw him already dressed up and ready to leave for the University. I had a headache and throat hurts a bit. Oh well, I need to get up and be ready for office. Still loads of stuff to finish.

So now here I am in the office, finishing this entry while waiting for the program to end its query. I also logged in to multiply (it’s been a while huh) and added 44 friends and clients from 143 invitations, too bad FB is restricted here so I can’t add some friends right now. I’m quite better now but still my head hurts a bit. I can manage this, after all, the office policy is no work no pay. I can’t afford to absent myself even for just a day, sayang ang miles hehe.


The Curious Cat

*Not real names to protect people involved.
P.S. Image courtesy of


  1. Get well soon dude. :)

    Him taking pictures of you as your girth expands remind something in my past, except that ours is an opposite scenario.

  2. hey curious cat..

    it seems you know you deserved to be taken care of by someone but then you choose not to.

    then you are there, also not taking care of your self.

    self-reliance dude. you need nobody's assurance in order to be someone.

    sorry im being too nosy here. hehehe.

  3. Hey hey... Get well soon!

    Pareho tayo, kapag sumisilip ako sa salamin, di ko na kilala yung nakikita ko.
    Kaya ang goal ko, by the end of 2010 kailangan kasing sexy ko na si Rain. Kung hindi man 0% body fat, at least mga 10%. Hehe.

    Hehe... KAMPAI!

  4. @Galen I thought it's a sweet gesture dati, he would cook my fave food and let me eat a lot, haha patabaing pig

  5. @Dabo hehe ok lang ganun talaga minsan

  6. @m2mtripper haha mukhang patay na patay ka kay Rain ah, sigurado ako galit na galit si junjun sa kanya

  7. hi kuya, email na lang kita. pagaling ka po

  8. Medyo behave si Junjun ngayon.
    Pagod e.
    Nyahahay! :P

  9. @m2mtripper napagod dahil kay target? lol

  10. that was a busy schedule, no wonder it's taking it's toll on your wellnes. hinay hinay lang.

    and i agree with dabo, we don't need assurance from anyone. ;)

  11. hope u get well soon! as for the weight, maybe you can try eating small portions. haha i'm no expert though. i've been trying to lose weight for five years now. haha