Last Friday, the tailor was not able to finish my tux in time so I had to go to several places in the metro to pull-out for the clothes I had to wear the next day. Then I had to buy new belt, 2 pairs of leather shoes (I can’t decide which one to buy so I bought two), socks etc. Luckily for me a friend accompanied me because his work location is just near to where I shopped.
After the pull-out, while waiting for a jeepney to take us to the nearest MRT station, my friend ask me what’s wrong with me. I said nothing’s wrong but he didn’t buy it. So for the first time I told him everything. This was really a revelation to him and a liberating experience on my side. He also notice the exchanged messages Mon* and I had on our status in Facebook about rants and “It’s over” shout outs.
“Do you remember five years ago when I suddenly bid goodbye the last time we had sex? It was actually uneventful because I was not able to perform like I used to. It was hard for me to do that but I had to. You were confused then and the next day I disappeared just like that,” I reminded him.
“Yes I remember that, it was all in the past. It’s no big deal now. At least we’re still friends,” Joey* replied with a weary smile.
“I’m sorry. The thing is, when we were still dating we knew that we’re also dating other people. It’s not exclusive for us, right? I met someone whom I fell in love with. We’ve been living together ever since,” I continued while faking a smile. It was hard to tell him all that.
“But you said, you still can’t decide because you had a girlfriend. That you love her,” he reminded me. He was puzzled. “I thought that you disappeared because of her. Five years? Tagal na noon ah.”
“Well it’s true, pinagsabay ko sila – for a while. Then I get lost sa kanya and sobra ko na siya minahal. Noong nakilala mo ako alam mo na I’m confused kung ano talaga gusto ko. Kahit ako, alam ko mahal ko yung partner ko pero hindi ko matangap na nagmahal ako sa kapwa ko. Kaya tinago ko relationship namin sayo at kay Mon kase hindi ko matangap ang sarili ko,” I told him while staring into nothing.
“Ganun ka pa din. Like before, still confused. Matagal na ‘yun, napatawad na kita. I wrote you a letter pa nga d ba? Nageexplain ako sa side ko baka kase ako ang dahilan ng paglayo mo. Now I understand, it’s you all along,” Joey smiled gently.
“Oo nga, tapos you we’re asking na magkita tayo na pagbigyan kita na matulog ako sa place mo. Na mag-sex ulit tayo pero lagi ako gumagawa ng dahilan para hindi mangyari ‘yun d ba? Hehe,” I gave a laugh.
“Oo nga. So bakit ka malungkot? Dba dapat masaya ka kase maglilimang taon na pala kayo,” he inquired more.
“May iba na kase siya. Masakit pala ano. Kala ko ganun lang ‘yun. Hindi ko pala kaya na may kahati,” I replied his inquiry.
“Ganun ba. Pero may girlfriend ka din noon ah noong naging kayo,” he reminded me.
“Oo nga pero hiniwalayan ko din yun para sa kanya. Naalala ko pa nga dati na asar na asar siya sa isang kaofficemate ko na babae na dati ko ka-MU pagtumatawag ng madaling araw para makipagkita sa akin. Pero alam mo binigay ko sa kanya lahat,” I answered him trying to held back the tears that were starting to form.
“Kaya ako naniniwala ako sa karma. Alam mo ba noong hiniwalayan ako ni Mar* dahil sa iba? Ayun hindi sila nagtagal at nagkaroon din ng iba pala agad ‘yung ipinalit sa akin. At ang malupit noon, ang ipinalit sa kanya ‘yung housemate pa ni Rage* (bestfriend ni Joey). Kaya ayun noong nagkausap kami ulit ni Mar, humihinga siya ulit ng tawad pero hindi na maibabalik ang dati,” he smiled sadly as he narrated what happened to him and Mar.
“Kaya nga e, ganun talaga siguro. Uy late na. Ano inuman na lang tayo. Tawagan mo si Rage para sabay tayo. Iuwi ko lang ‘tong mga dala ko then kita tayo sa Timog,” I suggested.
Joey dialed Rage number and we all agreed to meet in Timog by 1 am.
By 1 am, I met Joey, Rage and one of their friend (Kiko* who happened to be broken hearted as well) in Kamias where 7-11 used to operate. We took the jeep going to Timog and went to a bar somewhere in Timog.
While drinking I opened up to Rage and Kiko. Kiko also told me what happened to him. Kiko caught his partner with another guy in their own bed. I can’t imagine what he must have felt that fateful day. I can only sympathize with him.
Then I told them that if I had to be in a relationship I had to make sure na bottom na siya. Neither versa nor top, because he might look for someone para siya naman maka-bottom dba. They we’re laughing but I was serious.
I also told Joey that before I bid him goodbye, Mon and I met to discuss. Mon asked me na huwag “sagutin” si Joey because he still felt something for him. That he still gets jealous every time Joey and I went on a date. Since I’m starting to fell for my partner, I agreed.
“Ganun ba ‘yun? Talaga sinabi ni Mon ‘yun?,” Joey wants reassurance. When I nodded, “Mon talaga,” he added.
“So the two of you used to date pala? Kaya pala hindi mo siya mabitawan,” Rage teased Joey while looking at me.
He teased Joey because Joey’s former lover (Mon) was the ex of Rage current partner (Mickey). Joey met Rage because of Mickey. Mickey was asked then by Mon to look after Joey when he left the Philippines for work abroad. Then Joey and Rage became best of friends.
What Joey, Mon and Rage didn’t know was niligawan ako before ni Mickey. I used to date na magkasabay sina Joey and Mickey. Mon even wants to have sex with me kase Joey told him na I was special at may natatanging tinatagong surprise lol. Joey didn’t know I was dating him while I’m dating Mickey kase that time hindi pa sila magkilala dalawa. Nakilala ko si Mickey because of Mon, kase si Mickey ay kapatid ng best friend ng partner ni Mon that time. I dumped Mickey and Joey for my partner before naging si Mickey and Mon. Nagkagalit pa nga one time si Mickey at kapatid niya kase siya ang ipinalit ni Mon sa best friend niya. Then nagkaroon ng partner si Joey (Mar) noong naging si Mickey na at si Mon. Then dinumped ni Mon si Mickey kaya naging si Mickey na at si Rage. Mon wanted Joey back pero hindi na maiwanan ni Joey si Mar kase kawawa daw at mahal na mahal siya. Only to find out na ipinagpalit nga si Joey ni Mar sa iba. At yung iba ni Mar ay iniwan siya para sa housemate naman ni Rage. Hala. Haay complicated.
Ganun talaga ako ka secretive. Kaya nga nung bumalik si Mon para magvacation dito at nag meet kami sa Library laki gulat ni Mickey at nandun ako para magpakita muli. Bale ako, si Mon, Joey, Mickey and Rage were there. Doon lang din nalaman ni Rage na naging si Mon pala at si Mickey. Doon ko lang din na meet si Rage. Paglabas naming ng Library noong bumibili ng kikiam sila Mon, Joey at Rage sa may Crobar lumapit sa akin si Mickey para mangumusta haha. Muntik na daw niya ako hindi makilala kase mataba na daw ako haha bitter lang siya. Pero na-miss daw niya ako. Sa totoo na miss ko naman talaga si Joey, Mon at Mickey, kaya nga pumunta ako at nagpakalate para may grand entrance lol.
By 4am we went outside and roam around the area para magpalipas ng oras. Joey was teasing Kiko that he be gentle with him later. By 5am we decided to go home because I still have a wedding to attend to and I had to wake up by 9am to prepare.
I went home that day somehow a bit happy. I think some luggage that I’ve been carrying for the past 5 years had been lifted off me. To be able to share some things that had been bothering me was really a new experience for me. Wala lang sarap lang sa pakiramdam. Nakatulog ako ng mahimbing kahit 3 hours lang.
The Curious Cat
*Not real names to hinde true identity of people involved.
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.perfectescapes.com/TheSuiteLife/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/luggage.jpg