Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I met Dan* over YM. I was on a special channel in YM talking and making fun with everyone who frequent the channel when Dan sent me a PM. He told me that he was actually there observing the exchange of messages and then kind of interested in me (in what I wrote really). I told him he was lucky not being booted out of the channel because only a certain number is allowed in special channel and if you don’t respond to chatters; usually the moderator/s will boot you out.
Dan told me he was simple and just looking for someone to talk too. I know gasgas na ‘yung lines na iyan but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was nice but kind of boring. He asked for my photo and we exchanged. He looks ok but not really my type. Since he was very friendly, we became friends.
One day he invited me for a pool game (that would also be our first meet up). I agreed on seeing him before I went to work. He is so much nicer in person and kind of sweet but I can see that he is sad and often times I would catch him starring blankly over nothing. I didn’t ask but he told me his story anyway.
He was having problems with his best friend who happens to be his ex. His ex was very new to this kind of lifestyle so it only follows that he would like to explore a lot. They become a couple but his ex would continue on exploring. His ex being bottom; he was worried his ex might get sick because of his activity – meeting a lot of men and having casual sex with them. His ex assured him that he will only love him but can’t give up meeting other men for sex. After a while he can’t take it any longer, they broke up.
His love for his ex is great that he can’t move on. He still worries about him even if his ex found someone else. His ex new partner also agreed to his being promiscuous (ganda naman niya) but their relationship didn’t last that long too. No matter how many people Dan met, his heart still belongs to his ex.
Since I was new to this lifestyle as well, I decided to give Dan a try. I mean, I’ll try my best to help him forget his past and move on and forward. I really don’t have any special feelings for him but I thought that he needed me. I know that what I am about to do is one of the worst but I thought this might help. I make him fell for me and he did, it pains me sometimes but I know this will help him eventually and who knows I might fell for him too (which didn’t happen, sorry).
I stopped meeting and dating other people and spend most of my free time with him. Sometimes I would make an issue and kulit-kulit him so that he would feel important. I let him slept with me in a motel (first time, scary kase pareha kayo then papasok doon). Then later let him visit me in my pad if my room mate was not around. I know. I know this was all play for me but I am sincere in helping him. I thought he was able to move on finally when he told me that he will introduce me to his ex, referred now as his best friend. I agreed. I am quite excited actually, finally, to be able to put a face to the person who put him through all this misery.
Then I met Bert*, Dan’s ex and now his best friend. He was almost as tall as Dan but fairer. I bit chubby but good looking. Now I have a hint why men on top drool over him, Dan most specially. Again, he was not my type, sorry.
Bert arrived at Gloriatta later after I met Dan. I think Dan did that on purpose. Bert talks a lot. He’s funny but kind of shallow was my first impression on him. Like Dan, you will not know “what” he is until he will tell you. Bert invited us to spend the night at his parents’ house.
We arrived there already pass 1am and Bert’s mom is still awake, waiting for him. He introduced me to his mom and told her I was a friend. He told us to go to his room to check his PC (Dan agreed on fixing it). When Dan and I were already on his room, I heard his mom asking Bert.
“Sino na naman ‘yung pinapasok mo dito, Bert? Sino-sino ba ‘yan,” his mom inquired angrily.
“Friend ko nga. Ka-officemate ni Dan. Diba sira ‘yung PC ko at aayusin nila,” Bert snapped at his mom.
“Eh bakit late na kase,” his mom continued.
“May pasok sila bukas at ngayon lang may oras,” he replied and turn away from his mom and entered his room.
He closed the door, locked it and began to undress. He kneeled in front of Dan, openned up his zip and began sucking him. WTF!!! I saw Dan closed his eyes and feeling what Bert’s is doing to him. What is this? This is not what I signed in for. I’m getting a hard on. I just can’t help it. But I decided not to join, instead I lied on the bed and tried hard to take a nap (pagod na rin ako). Then I just felt hands trying to undress me, sucked one of nipple. I didn’t open my eyes, I am actually enjoying it. It was Bert. He was now fully naked and was being fucked by Dan. I am in deep sh!t. I am actually enjoying it. So I went with the flow.
I kissed Bert; I don’t like how he kissed though (grabe parang bumabaha ng laway) so I held his head and led him to suck me instead. He was good, very good. Dan knows how to kiss but I don’t like how he sucks. One can’t have it all.
Bert was enjoying every minute of it. He sucked me while being bottomed by Dan. I don’t suck and definitely not a bottom so I give them a minute to have fun. I watched them.
Dan obviously still has feelings for Bert. I thought I changed him and made him forget his pain but I was wrong. His feelings or obsession even to Bert is so strong. The way Dan looked at him, the way he touched him, and the way he kissed him. Maybe, that’s why I decided to watch instead (because they still have strong feelings for each other). Even Bert, but I think his hunger for casual sex is stronger so that’s where the problem lies.
Their story is sad. Twisted and mad.
We continued to see each other. The three of us would watch movies together, stroll around the metro and provinces nearby together and we enjoyed every minute of it. Kakatawa kase para kaming three-way lovers pero wala naming commitment. Months din na ganun status naming. There were times I would spent some nights at Berts for fun or to accompany him in meeting new people. We would often make fun of ourselves. There were days when I spent it with Dan alone to accompany him on his hook-ups. Until Bert announced that he will be leaving for work abroad. We all realized that our current set-up won’t really last forever.
One day Bert decided to meet me alone. He told me that he can’t take it that Dan and I will eventually end up together. Bert's terribly jelous of me but can't help liking me too. Bert thinks that I don’t take Dan seriously, if it wasn’t true I would have argued with Bert, but since it’s true I told him that when he leaves I’ll remain Dan’s friend and nothing more. I felt Bert’s sincerity. He still loves Dan too but had to end their relationship because of what he is. He accepted the fact that he’s promiscuous and until he changes he can’t be in a serious relationship. He even bothered talking to me to make sure of Dan’s well being.
When Bert left the country, I distanced myself with Dan. I changed my number and did not bother checking on him. I guess I was embarrassed. I judged them based on Dan’s story without knowing Bert first. I can’t tell Dan what I’ve done so I let Bert do the talking if ever and whenever he feels like to. I was guilty of leading him into something that will only make matters worst. So I left Dan too.
I guess the world is not that big at all. I received a letter from Dan. He told me that Bert told him everything. Dan told me in the letter that his feelings for me don’t change at all. He still loves me but respects my decision not to push through having a relationship with me. He still wants to be friends with me. Again, guilt haunted me. Realizing what I’ve done and my intentions were. Then one day, I finally realized that everything happened for a reason – a learning experience for the three of us.
Until this day the three of us remains as friends. Bert change a lot. He is a one man person now, as he claims. Dan just broke up with last relationship but not giving up. Then me, I’m still with my partner in 4 years (whom I met months after Dan and Bert). When Bert’s on a vacation here, we get to meet and had fun like we used to (minus sex, of course). Sometimes, I decline meeting Dan because he would request for sex which I can no longer consent to because I’m taken (he thinks I can do it if Bert was able to, but I’m different, I told him so but he keeps on nagging me). Maybe it’s my kiss or my size that keeps Dan requesting for it as what he and Bert used to tease me before.
I’m happy that were able to go through all those things – happier now that we’ve matured. It makes me cherished our friendships even more.
The Curious Cat
*Not their real names for discretion. And wait for my next story for my other 2 “friends”.
Monday, August 24, 2009
On the 21nd, I almost gave up and about to call him but was able to stop myself from doing so. Instead I spend the night at a friend and got drunk ‘til 8am the next day. Then I finally went home. He was not there because he has classes on Saturdays so I just slept almost all day.
I woke up by 5pm and he’s still not there so I decided to watch a movie alone. But this time I began to miss him so I gave up and called him up (after not receiving any messages or whatsoever from him pa din) and told him to watch a movie with me. We spent the rest of the night dining at a posh resto and then watch the movie “UP” later. We acted as if nothing happens as if I didn’t take a time off. We were happy: laughing at each others jokes; watching other people busing themselves; and other stuffs a couple like “us” would normally do in public. So I though all my time taking off was for zilch lang pala because no matter what I still go back to him.
Sunday, when I was about to sleep I finally realized that I no longer matter to him. Whether I took a time off or be with him is all the same. I thought all the time spending by myself was all for naught, hindi pala. Nagkaroon ng realization at naging clear ang utak ko sa status namin. Sa status ko with him. As if I’m just a “friend” na lang and nothing more to it – a constant companion, a pain in ass, and/or maybe even a burden perhaps.
As I am writing this entry, I will just take one day at a time. One day at a time trying not to think more of him but more of myself na lang. I will slowly train myself not to dedicate most of my time thinking of him but to improve myself instead. I will enroll to the gym again and will try to meet my friends– whom I took for granted when he became part of my life. I will try to distance myself emotionally and mentally from him (I will not distance myself physically because he can’t live by himself alone and that would be so selfish and mean of me throwing him away from the pad now that he doesn’t have much. Yes I took care of the bills and food. He lost his high paying job two years ago and now working as a part time instructor to different universities here in the metro).
I know this won’t be easy but I think I can do it. I know many nights I would want to feel his embrace but will not think of it. I know there will be days when I want to be with him but will try my best not to think of it. When that time comes when I no longer feel anything for him, I will move forward. Move on to another journey. I will start my new adventure and this time without him to think about.
Tanga ko ano? It took me all this time to realize my worth (or less thereof) for him.
The Curious Cat
P.S. The image is courtesy of http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/X/m/N/theholidayposter.jpg
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
"Hello," he answered.
"Saan ka? Want to eat pizza?, " I asked over the phone.
"Pad na, naantok ako eh. Nagising lang ako dahil sa call mo," he answered.
"Ah ok, d bale, next time na lang," I responded as I drop the call.
Lagi na lang ganito, same scenario araw-araw. Almost fed up na ako sa ganitong situation. Lagi na lang ako gumagawa ng paraan para manumbalik whatever we had in the past. There were days where I was asking myself why I am still holding on if I'm not sure if there's something to hold on to. I got tired too. Parang ako na lang yata gumagawa ng move. Well sometimes he would text where I was or who I'm with but I answered back in an instant. Sometimes when I'm with a client, I would do my best so that I would be able to finished fast so I could be with him. Pero I don't see nor feel that he put some efforts on his side.
I was near our pad when I decided to go back to watch a movie by myself instead. Before I met him, I would dine by myself, watch movies by myself and even spend the day in solitude. And I'm ok with that. Siguro nasanay na lang ako na kasama siya lagi. It really feels good to be with someone you love eh. Iba kaysa you're by yourself lang.
Pero now, I think I need a little space for myself. Sabi nga sa kanta, "Everybody needs a little time away... Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other." I'll give him his space too. Who knows, this might be what we actually needed.
While on queue I noticed that there were only two choices left for the last full show, I opted for The Proposal.
I decided to forget about everything and just try to watch and enjoy the movie. So that even for once I'll free myself from all these questions that have been lurking inside my head for weeks. Bugging me which makes me rethink my relationship with my partner or if meron pa ba talaga. I think I owe myself an escape so that even for the briefest moment alone I can be free of worries.
After the movie, I don't feel like going home just yet. Panandalian lang 'yung escape ko from reality. I went to the nearest cafe and blog-hopped. Replied to people who dropped messages, dropped messages in response to their blog entries, and then read more blogs.
Now I am in front of the computer. Trying to write something sensible but my mind refuse to cooperate. This is crap. I'm still bothered.
I think I should be going. Good night everyone. Have a nice and peceful one.
The Curious Cat
P.S. The photo belongs to http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/showbiz/images/attachement/jpg/site1/20090622/0023ae606f170ba96a0906.jpg
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
“Uy, may bata. Tarantado ka talaga. Nakita niya tuloy,” the 1st karpentero barked at his friend.
“Ok lang iyan, mas bata matuto mas maganda,” smiled the second one. “Oh, heto isa pa. Sa iyo na, para matuto ka. Huwag mo lang ipakita sa nanay mo ha,” he told me as he handed another book to me.
I gleefully accepted it and run to our house.
Once home, I went to my parent’s bedroom and locked it. I carefully opened the pages and carefully looked at (and memorize) all the drawings - every details. Somehow, I like what I saw. I may not fully understand what it is but I know what I’m doing is wrong but I like it so much so I continued. As each page turned a new exciting feeling won me over. I flushed as I read each balloon conversation. Erotic yet like poems written specially for a lover. Like a serenade echoing in the four corners of my parent’s room which I am forbid to listen to.
Strange as it may seem I take a peek at my own. Trying to compare what I saw on the comic book. It’s somehow different yet the same. I was about take off my shorts to follow the drawings when someone banged at the door.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Bakit naka lock ito? Sino nasa loob?”
It was mom. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I did something wrong because I felt guilty. I felt cold. I hurriedly hid the comic book in between mattress then slowly opened the door.
“Bakit naka lock iyung pinto? Ano ginagawa mo dito?,” mom asked.
I can not respond but just stood still while she tried to look for something.
“Ano ito?,” she saw the comic book. Apparently, I was not able to hide it well. She browsed it and the next thing I knew, pinagpapalo na nya ako. I heard her scolded me some more but her voice was drowned by my own lamentation.
After some time, I went out to go to my friends from the next street. I saw the two karpenteros laughing at me. I knew it was them who told my mom. Bastards. May araw din kayo. Well, it appears that time never came but I learned a lot. In fact, way back in high-school I would draw stuffs like those and sell them to my classmates. Eh kumita na ako nag-eenjoy pa mga kaklase ko. Hehehe.
The Curious Cat
P.S. The image belongs to http://www.enemyofpeanuts.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3797_20060728205108_large.jpg
Monday, August 17, 2009
A mere touch upon my shoulder instantly brought electric charges all over me. I don’t know if this is right but there’s no going back. I’m here now at the mercy of strangers’ hunger to taste my petrified soul. Then there’s the kiss. The union of two lips sealed the agreement made earlier over the private exchange of messages over the messenger. Electric charges within my body instantly evaporated as I close my eyes and returned the stranger’s kiss. It was bliss.
***It was noon at the internet café near our boarding house. I’m busy approving friend requests from strangers from my friendster account (‘yan ang uso way back).
I heard an unfamiliar sound followed by a giggle from a stranger seated next to my computer station. Parang kinikilig sya. I got curios about what he’s doing so I take a peek at his monitor. It was Yahoo! Messenger (YM). I was not familiar then with YM so I asked the person seated next to me what it’s all about. He explained it to me and even gave me one of his accounts for me to explore. He explained about how it’s connected to your e-mail, how to chat, to look for friends and most specially the chat rooms.
After a while I got the hang of it. Trying almost everything, I even turned on the webcam and enter some friendly chat rooms.
Then suddenly a received a PM from someone (who might be a contact of the accounts owner) so I replied that I’m just using this account to explore YM and it was not really mine. I didn’t notice that the owner already left so continued exchanging private messages to the other party.
He is a doctor from Makati Med and he was just looking for a nice conversation – someone to talk before finally going to take a nap. He’s 6’1”, 3 inches taller than me. He’s in his early 30’s and lived just right the other village near my boarding house. We talked a lot –almost every topic known to man. Then he told me that he’s bisexual and very discreet and that he loved to meet me now. I really don’t know how to respond that instant. I’m not really sure if I should meet him or if I should even entertain the thought of seeing him. A lot of things going through my mind but my curiosity won. I agreed. It was my first time to chat and my very first time for an eyeball. He really must have his charms in words to make me agree on seeing him. He was after all a doctor; we all believe what our doctors say, right?
After chatting, I felt hot – really hot. It’s like the first time you had seen porn. Or it’s like the first time you had sex with your girlfriend in public. I know that you know the feeling very well. I had second thoughts. I had never agreed in meeting a person before – much less a man. What if he wants sex? I never had sex with a man before (with consent). What would it be like? Is it the same with girls? So many questions but the only thing to answer it is to meet up with him.
It was very late in the afternoon when I arrived at their village. I texted the number he gave me over the chat and informed him I am outside the house he described. After a few moments a very tall man opened the door. Waved at me and gestured me to come closer. He was smiling. Very nice looking, I didn’t ask for photo or requested him for a webcam so it was just pure luck. And his body looked like he used to go to gym (but been absent for a while) and still very nice to look at.
He assisted me in going to his room. They’re rich, I can tell. He gestured me enter his room and I sat near the end of the bed.
“What should we do?,” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I flushed. I must look so stupid having no idea or whatsoever.
He sat next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He planted his lips on mine. I was shaking. He continued kissing me and after a while I returned the favor.
***As he began to undress and planted kisses all over me, I feel something different. Something I’ve never felt before. He must have kissed every part of me but I never felt shy anymore. I’m in bliss. Sparks shooting like fireworks. Sweat flows incessantly from exchanged body heat. His warmth secures me and assured me that it’s ok.
His mouth enveloped my manhood – the whole of it. I grabbed his hair for something to hold on to. I can’t almost bear the feeling as he slid it in and out while his tongue do wonders I can only dreamt of. He must have liked it so much. Each moan I released a twist and turn were returned by his tongue. I never knew that I could feel more from what I experience from my past lovers. I never knew that a man can top what girls can do. I’m almost there but I controlled myself. I don’t want to end it just yet. Not yet.
'Til next time for the rest of my first time.
The Curious Cat
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I didn't receive any text messages from him when I had a sleep over at my friends house. So I decided to go straight to my client the next day. The day almost ended and still no message from him. I called him up by 7pm (yeah, hindi na ako nakatiis).
"Where you at?," asked him over the phone.
"Here at SM, decide to eat kase nagugutom ako," he answered.
"Almost over here na sa client ko so I'm going home na," I informed him.
"Ok," he responded and line went dead.
Crap. Pakshet. So I held a taxi and decided to go home.
Upon entering our pad, he just looked at me and continue whatever he was doing on his laptop.
I undressed to prepare for a bath when my mobile phone ring.
"Pare, we're going to NUVO tonight. Care to join us?" It was Omie*, a horny lawyer friend of mine.
"Sige meet us there. Nasa car na kami," it was Natasha* this time. Omie's newest girlfriend.
"I just arrived home from my client, I'm kind of tired already but will text you if ever. Ok?," I responded.
"Ok, so kita kita na lang," Omie replied. The line went dead.
"So gigimik ka na naman. Make sure to bring clothes if ever you decide not to go home," my partner suggested to me.
"Sasama ka ba? Sige na," I offered.
He did not respond so humiga ako sa kama.
"Huwag ka muna humiga dyan sa kama at hindi ka pa naliligo at madudumihan iyan. Kakachange ko lang ng bed sheets," he angrily told me.
Kaasar but I did not respond. I took a bath and prepared myself for the party. No, I did not go to NUVO last night. Instead, I responded to my other friend's invitation to H2.
I don't really go to Malate but my friend just arrived from abroad so I decided go na lang. On my way to H2 his exbf texted me to meet them somewhere instead.
Malate is prettily much the same. Old clubs and resto were gone but replaced by newer once which offers the same. Same tortured souls looking for a laid still abounds. Girls who secretly love their gay friends join them as their friends look for some hook-ups. Sad. Same story altogether. Malate is still prettily much the same.
I finally saw my friend and found out that he's with some of his exes (4). How convenient was that. We ate and drunk a couple of beers. It's dawn already when we decided we had enough. My friend and one of his ex (who I used to date before I even met my friend) patiently held a taxi for me. They invited me to join them at his ex's pad but I declined. I knew better.
I arrived home, saw my partner sleeping. I took a bath and join him in bed. I hugged him tight and he held my arms and finally closed my eyes. I realized that no matter what, I still love him. How pathetic I am. I just can't help it. My heart still belongs to him.
The Curious Cat
*Not their real names. Omie doesn't know the other me but he knows na babaero ako (dati).
P.S. The photo belongs to http://419.bittenus.com/7/9/hug.jpg
Friday, August 14, 2009
I went out of the office early but I didn’t go home straight but decided to check my emails on the net instead. I dropped by the department store to buy my partner his dose of chocolate. I picked Hershey’s this time. Then head home.
I arrived at the pad and he was not home yet. I texted him to ask him where is he, he didn’t reply. So I put the chocolate near the jug so he could see it (because he always drinks juice first when he arrives, that also explains the jug on our room), then took a bath and decided to take a nap. I decided not to wait for him.
When he finally arrived home he woke me up and told me to stand up first so he could fix the sheets (malikot kase ako matulog). He took a bath and I waited for him to finish so I could make lambing lambing before I finally sleep.
After he dressed himself with his sleeping clothes I hugged him.
“Ano ba?” he angrily rejected me.
“Ok. If that’s what you want. Then that would be the last,” I responded. I went back to bed and tried to sleep. Bwisit ka nasabi ko sa isip ko. Napahiya ako. How rude of you to do that. When ikaw ang naglambing lambing kahit I’m tired I don’t complain. Hindi lang kase ito ‘yung una eh.
Konti na lang. Ayoko na talaga. Almost had enough. I really don’t understand him anymore or maybe may iba na yata talaga. Naisip ko eyebags ko kaya pinilit ko makatulog. Sayang at baka mabawasan pogi points ko.
Later I will have a sleep over sa friends house ko. I won’t tell him basta I just don’t want to go home tonight. Bad trip. I don’t usually do this but there’s always a first. I have to do something na.
Abangan nyo na lang kung saan mapupunta to. Break-up or make love. Whatever the case I’ll let you know.
The Curious Cat
P.S. Image is courtesy of http://www.damiengallagher.com/images/Cold%20and%20Lonely%20Tree.jpg
Thursday, August 13, 2009
When we were young we used to play bahay-bahayan with our childhood friends. Most characters we play were nanay, tatay, anak, at katulong. It was a fun game. I’m always looking forward every time we play bahay-bahayan.
“Laro tayo bahay-bahayan,” invited Nene*.
“Sige ba,” I gleefully replied.
“Doon na lang tayo sa likod ng bahay nyo doon sa bakanteng bodega,” she suggested.
“Sige para malaki naman ‘yung bahay natin,” I answered.
Nene and I turned towards the voice and it was Jojo.* He’s of the same age as Nene. I’m younger that the both of them.
Jojo was your typical neighbor who always wanted to join even if he knows that other children don’t want to play with him. He looks good but his attitude is otherwise. His big and the kind you don’t want to be on his bad side.
Nene, on the other hand, was tall. She towered most of us. She’s sweet and yet very prying. In short, tsismosa. But she’s a very good friend and you don’t want to be on her bad side either or else she’ll spread rumors about you – the nasty ones.
Nene and I had no choice but to let Jojo play with us. I think Jojo has a big crush on Nene from the very start. It’s the way he looked at her. He won’t admit it though.
“Ne!!! Nene,” Nene’s mother was calling her when we’re about to go to the backyard.
“Kayo na lang muna maglaro. Tawag ako ni nanay eh. Sunod na lang ako,” she told us while running towards her house.
“Tara, doon tayo maglaro sa may likuran sa maliit na kwarto,” Jojo suggested.
“Pero sabi ni Nene doon daw sa kabila. Baka mahirapan iyon maghanap,” I replied.
“Makikita din niya tayo doon kase maghahanap iyon. Tsaka may salamin doon diba na makikita tayo pagpumasok siya sa kabilang kwarto.”
“Sige na nga,” I told him.
When we were inside, all the windows were closed because it has not been occupied. I came in first and Jojo followed. Suddenly he pushed me and pinned me down. He seized both of my wrists by one of his arm while the other hand was trying to yank my pants down.
“Ano ba? Ano ginagawa mo? Masakit iyong kamay ko. Bitwan mo ako,” I struggled and tried to break free of his grip. He’s strong and I can barely do a thing.
“Huwag ka maingay. Huwag kang malikot. Mabilis lang to,” he was telling me while he was pushing himself towards me.
“Ano ba? ‘wag po? ‘wag po. ‘yoko po,” I started to panicked.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Someone is banging the mirror and both of us turn to look who’s banging it. It was Nene at the opposite side of the mirror. She’s trying to distract Jojo from what he’s doing to me. Apparently, Jojo was alarmed, let go of me and run.
I was shaking and as I looked at Nene from the opposite side of the mirror, I felt so ashamed. Humiliated. Disgraced. I pull my pants up and run. I run and run and run. No particular direction. I run just to get away from all what had happened.
I find myself at the back of a very huge stone – hugging myself. I didn’t shed a tear but felt so empty.
It was already dark when I finally decided to go home, fearing that someone might know other than the three of us. Days went by but no words came out. I’m so glad no one really spoke about it. Not even Nene. I owe her a lot.
Even though no penetration really happened, it affects me a lot. I find it hard to be trusting anymore. I was young then but somehow it cost me a lot. It’s like a tattoo you’d want to get rid of but the scars won’t heal. I was not really healed, I think. I can still remember like it just happened a few days back.
Maybe I am like this or I became who I am now because of it. The funny thing is that when Jojo and I come within reach of each other, it’s as if nothing really happens. Even with Nene. But I know deep inside they can still remember what happened and it would be as vivid like the day of the incident.
Unlike before when I used to be so scared, as time progresses I got confused. Later in my adolescent life when a similar incident happened (I’ll tell you some other time), I was thinking of it. Thinking why Jojo did it. What he must truly feel. I wanted to know what it’s like – doing it with another guy. Maybe, just maybe I’ll understand why and finally close that chapter in my life.
So I began hooking-up with other guys and playing Jojo’s part.
The Curious Cat
*Not their real names.
P.S. Photo courtesy of http://www.imagesphilippines.com/images/071807_180754.jpg
Those days were some of the best and the most memorable ones. I used to feel so powerful - like a king who could command anyone at will. Yes, been very bad but I am the type of guy you don’t usually go to Malate or other similar places to look for hookups. I value my “discreetness” and respect those who unfortunately fell for me (feeling). Those were the days and I’d like to think that remains to me as memories na lang.
Well one experience was when my date and I got busted at a cinema in Makati. He’s giving me a head for a while and I think we’re one the second run (movie) before someone noticed and reported us.
“Hoy! Bawal yan,” the man from the theatre bellowed at us.
Grabe laking gulat ko kase I was closing my eyes in ecstasy and then nasigawan. Out of shame I hurriedly zipped up my fly and walk hurriedly for the exit leaving my date (I’m sure he did the same). Nahirapan pa ako itago si junior kase buhay pa kaya tinakpan ko na lang ng shirt ko. Outside I pretended to talk to someone on my mobile phone so no one would notice. I just walked out the theatre, the mall without looking back. So afraid that the management would call cops and arrest us for public display of horniness.
After a while I texted my date and told him sorry. He replied that he’s in the bus and was ok. What a relief. It was a very nice experience though it’s something that I would never do again. High-end mall pa naman yun.
Kung nagkataon ma nenews pa kami. Kakahiya sana. Imagine two tall POST http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.do HTTP/1.1athletic guys busted because one is giving the other a head. It’s a good thing that we’re both athletic that we’re able to move fast - really fast.
Don’t worry we hooked up one last time at his cousin’s house. This time, inumaga na kami without interruption
Iyan na lang muna for now.
The Curious Cat
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
“Aba, inumaga na naman,” he told me.
“Sorry, work. Na drain na kase battery ko eh,” I explained.
He did not reply back so I decided to enter the pad. As soon as I got inside I charged my mobile phone and turned it on. A number of text messages greeted me, but I decided not to read them. Instead I texted him telling him that I have a black chocolate Royce’ for him as pasalubong.
“Eh kainin mo,” he replied back.
Aba galit pala talaga. So I replied, “I’ll just put it on top of the jug in case you want to have it.”
He did not reply so I took a bath and take a nap without waiting for him to go inside the pad.
When I woke up, I found out that he ate it.
“Hmp kakainin din pala,” I told him when I saw him preparing for work.
“Sabi mo eh,” he replied smiling.
Haay I find him hirap intindihin these past few days. It’s good though that I have with my that Royce’ black chocolate or else away na naman inabot ko. Buti na lang din at dalawa inuwi ko para meron naman one for me dba. Syempre ‘yung may almonds sa akin hahaha.
The Curious Cat
K Y jelly, now condom?!! Sinasadya ba nya o nagiging tanga lang sya lately.
I don't know if I can handle this anymore or if I can confront him about it. Tinago ko nga bahala na sya maghanap. Hmp.
Well at least he's using a protection, but that doesn't change the fact that he's doing something I don't know. I know that he doesn't need to tell me everything he does pero naman, this is something different. I'm bothered.
I must admit that I've been very busy with two jobs and he's very busy with his job from Monday to Saturday. I might have neglected him but I'm working - for my family and for us.
I think this is too much for me now.
The Curious Cat
Monday, August 10, 2009
Me and my partner are more that 4 years already.
Last Saturday I arrived at our pad by 8am in the morning after overnight an work. I was exhausted. Then I stripped my clothes off to prepare for the bath. After I put my shirt on top of the desk I saw something, a very old friend of mine. But it was not mine. It's really hard to think because I'm already tired after an exhausting work and this what greeted me upon arriving home but I one this is for sure - I'm mad and confused.
Both of us are top so how come he have this jelly. We don't need it. WTF! I never imagined he would do this to me. How long? With whom? He's been fucking someone around and I didn't even noticed. I was fooled and now I need to rethink twice about or relationship. I think it's time for me to move on and leave. 4 years!!! I guess it really doesn't matter how long huh. I'm really confuse now.
What should I do guys. Help me out. Help me think.
The Curious Cat
Friday, August 7, 2009
Then our teacher finally gave us a new assignment to be submitted the next day. I hurriedly went home, plug the power cord directly on the outlet and turn the computer on. "Boom!" OMG! I forgot to plug it in the power supply. Nasira ang computer namin. I was scolded because of my carelessness. Therefore, like most of my classmates, I submitted my report hand written.
I graduated high-school without computer but I am looking forward to college knowing that I will be fine because despite being poor I will be able to attend the best university. I was lucky enough to bagged two scholarships. I can see the future a bit clearer now that I graduated high-school and on my way to college.
In college we had one subject that focuses on computer and technology. I am very much excited because I know I'll learn a lot. Never did I know that this subject will open up a new world for me - a world where I never knew existed. Slowly a new personality in me starts to flourished. A whole new part of me was born. I love college, my new self, computer, the technology and the new found freedom I am enjoying.
The Curious Cat
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Anyway, I'd like to invite you all to my new blog and hope you'll find "something" that will somehow makes you able to relate to me. This is nothing big but mostly of what I've been through and the many adventures I am going to face.
What you'll read here are my innermost thoughts and inner demons that I've gone through and still facing. Things that I only share in anonimity. Things that no one else know but the person behind the blog.
So why just now? Mainly because I realised that death is inevitable. It will happen to us all no matter how small or great we are. I wouldn't want not to share my life experience and adventures without you knowing how I was able to make it through and how I am going to handle what life has to offer. Then again, I am hoping that you readers (who have already faced same scenarios before me) will share your life's lessons and how you are able to survived it. I think now is the perfect time to share the beautiful life that I am enjoying.
So why the blog's title? I'm always curious and my inquisitiveness leads me to a whole new adventure. They say that curiosity killed the cat, I say curiosity feeds my hunger of new adventure in this double life that I have. I think the title fits me well.
By the way, I was abused by my neighbor when I was little. Maybe that sparks the oddity in me. That's just the start. Hope we'll get to know more of each other as each page is written.
The Curious Cat
I'm not a cat person.