Friday, October 30, 2009

Summer


We were in Cebu on the summer of 2002. The scorching heat penetrates the walls of our humble abode. I just arrived from the mall after my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a long day and need to cool and douse my spent body. Need to ease the weariness and anger deeply rooted in me. The hot Cebu nights didn’t offer illumination to all those things irritating me that time.

As always the boys are drinking again to the mix of gin and pomelo juice, trying to ease each own problems. Laughing out loud to two almost naked guys intertwined in each other extremities to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion. Days like these seemed endless, repeatedly happening like a cheap R-rated film playing over and over again like an old cinema in Quiapo. Each of us has our problems but we’re all united in drinking to get away from reality. Letting the spirit drenched our souls and hoping in vain to be happy even for a night.

But tonight is no ordinary night. I’ll make sure of that.

I was sitting at the chair near the kitchen when Jong* called my attention up. He went near me.

“Xtian, Dina’s* waiting for you at the balcony. She wants to see you,” Jong whispered.

I stood up and he sat to the chair I was sitting a while ago as I left. I look back to take a look at him but he was busy watching UFC now and drinking the concoction I left behind.

The veranda was dark except for the partly lighted corner by the street lamp across the boarding house. I search for Dina and found her lying silently at the hammock secured by two opposite post at the veranda. I went near Diana to ask her why she called me up.

“Hey, you’re calling for me. What’s up?,” I whispered.

“I heard you broke up with your girlfriend,” she told me.

“Yes and I prefer not to discuss it,” I replied firmly.

“Sorry Xtian, kase I’m planning to break up with my boyfriend too. I’m not happy with him anymore,” she informed me.

I am quite stunned by what she confessed so I come near her holding the hammock near to where her head rests.

“You ok?,” I asked. Concerned.

“I like you Xtian, I know alam mo na ‘yun,” she whispered as she run her fingers to my chest.

Pareho tayo hindi na happy sa ating mga karelasyon at alam mo you like me to,” she teased me.

Kiss me,” she demanded.

I closed my eyes and succumbed to her request. It was a hot night and her lips sizzle as my lips touches hers. Hers were soft and plump while mine were dry and rough. It started slowly then we kissed passionately like crazy, both trying to quench the thirst that’s been haunting us from the first time we laid on each others eyes.

>oo00*00oo<

It was afternoon when my best friend Trey* fetch me and Orly* from the airport. It was so hot. Cebu is hot, I thought.

“Xtian, Orly. Hmm we will not be having the same boarding house because I’ll be staying with my cousin. Pero you’ll be staying doon sa boarding house ng classmate ko sa Atene noong high school. Si Mico*, mabait ‘yun so magkakasundo kayo,” Trey informed us.

We hailed a cab and traveled all the way from the Mactan to Labangon. It was a long ride and the day is hot, the cab’s air-conditioning system didn’t offer any help.

“Here we are,” Trey announced.

The boarding house is a two story house, old and built mostly on wood apart from the posts and loggia. This will do, I said to myself. After Trey paid the cab he helps us carry our luggage to the house. He introduced us to the landlady and the rest of the people living in it.

Then I saw Dina, she’s about 5’7” and very slim. She’s pretty and her smile’s captivating. She has long black hair and dreamy eyes. She failed in the chest department though, but it’s ok for I’m no cow. I am instantly attracted to her and not quite sure if she’s into me.

Diana and I became very close and talk almost about anything. Evertime our schedule permit us to be together we just hang out. We clicked and could have been more that friends but since the two of us are in a relationship so we just remain friends.

>oo00*00oo<

Diana unzipped my fly and pulled it down. I am still standing beside the hammock. I help her by pulling my pants all the way. She gently caresses my c*ck from outside my boxers. It’s hard now and longing for her. It’s been 5 months now since I know her and my suppressed feelings for her could hold it no longer.

“Tapusin mo na Xtian, please,” she pleaded me as I look into her eyes.

I began to pull her shirt up; it was dark so no one will take notice of us there. The boys are busy drinking so there’s no way they will be bothersome. I touched her breasts, caressing them.

“Please, do it now,” she demanded while she closed her eyes. Apparently she doesn’t want foreplay.

I pull down her shorts and panty to expose her wholeness, wishing I could see it but it was impossible for its dark and it’s ok. I raise my left leg and position it on her right, the hammock is swaying us so I find it hard to find my balance. I position my other leg on her left and planted it firmly on floor to balance ourselves over the hammock.

I enter her slowly. I forgot to bring protection because things happen so fast. I can’t let it destroy our stolen moments. She moaned as I penetrate her deeper. She began to pull my shirt up and throw it unto the floor. She then hugged me and our sweaty body touched. It was instant bliss.

“Tapusin mo na, bilis,” she demanded again.

I am now thrusting deeper and faster and kissed her so for her not to make any sound. She moaned silently, almost there and faster and deeper while the hammock shakes vigorously.

“I’m almost there, bilisan mo na,” she again demanded.

Faster now and there it was, an explosion of restrained emotion and longing for her, for each other.

“Kuya, ano ginagawa nyo ni ate Dina?”

WTF! It was Carol*, the landlady grand daughter busted us; she was 7 years of age.

“Hey, Carol. Nahilo kase ate Dina mo, tinulungan ko lang makahinga,” I answered.

“Ha? Ganun ba? Teka tawagin ko si lola,” she worriedly replied and was about to go.

“Wag, huwag na, ok na siya. Diba Dina?,” I seeked Dina’s help.

“Ok na ako Carol, sige na at bubuhatin na lang ako ni kuya Xtian mo papunta sa kwarto,” Dina told Carol.

“Sige po,” Carol replied as she went back inside the house.

“Buti na lang madilim,” I sighed.

>oo00*00oo<

The board exam is fast approaching so Dina and I barely time for each other. She’s working on night shifts and I was reviewing for the upcoming exams. We scarcely see each other until time ran out for the two of us.

On my way to the airport as I am leaving Cebu, Dina sent me SMS.

Message 1: Xtian, I didn’t help you packing your things last night. As you noticed, I locked myself inside my room because it pains me to bid you goodbye.

Message 2: I wish we had more time for each other but I’m glad to know you. You see I like you and wish for more. I don’t want to think that what we had is just a summer fling.

Message 3: I hope you’ll cherish the time we had for each other. Goodbye.

>oo00*00oo<

I recently found her friendster account. She still looks amazingly beautiful. She has a 7 year old child now whose eyes eerily like mine. She’s married already..
Xoxo

The Curious Cat

*Not real names to hide and protect the identities of persons involved.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Alone

Ang lamig ng gabi pag wala ang init ng iyong katawan
Hanap ang yakap mo at lagkit ng iyong titig

Mag-isa ako ngayon sa silid nating munti
Nagsilbing saksi sa ating pag-iisa

Ngayong wala ka sa tabi ko sa ating kama
Ang bagal ng takbo ng oras na dati’y mabilis pag kapiling ka

Ang kumot na nakabalot sa akin ay ‘di matutumbasan ang init ng higpit ng iyong mga yakap
Natutulala, nakakatitig sa kawalan sa dilim ng gabi

Nakalimutan ko na mag-isa noong ikaw dumating
Pano na ang mga gabing wala ka sa piling ko

Bumalik ka na
Maghihintay ako

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image belongs to http://www.lucis.me.uk/ALONE.jpg

Friday, October 23, 2009

Doc


The last miscellany that would tell that there was a fireworks display just took place were the beaming people who are still in awe from witnessing the spectacular occurrence.

It has been more than an hour than the agreed time of the encounter of two vapid being longing for a taste of bodily pleasure. Yet here I am still waiting still holding on to the promise that he’ll come to meet me.

Alabang Town Center is still the same from the last time I went there a year ago, the same scenes on stage over and over again played by different cast, but same familiarity nonetheless. I was at the heart of the mall, sipping the sugar infested coffee that attempts to ice up my assiduous brain to no avail. I’m still bored from waiting had he not called earlier that he had last minute chat with his patient, I already make off.

“Sorry Xtian,” Dandy* told me as he tapped my shoulder.

I turned around a bit surprise from his gesture. “Ikaw lang pala, buti na lang nagkape na ako at hindi nakatulog sa pag-antay sayo,” I replied frigidly.

“Kaya ka pala nagugulat agad dahil sa kape,” he tried to crack a joke.

“Ano na? Tara na at anong oras na,” I demanded as I stood up from the metal chair.

“Tara, medyo malayo lang nakapark ‘yung car ko so konting lakad lang ha,” he smiled.

We left the coffee house to head for his car.

He was taller than me and leaner. The photo he showed me earlier that day did not do him justice. He looks good in the photo but so much better in person. Maybe some people are not just photogenic or maybe he didn’t know what photoshop is. He walks confidently as we stride the busy pathway going to his car. Maybe it’s because of his profession, the confidence he gained from meeting people from differentPOST http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.do HTTP/1.1 walks of life.

When he was about to open his car, light flashes towards us coming from another car.

“Hey Dandy!,” someone shouted. “Sino na naman ‘yang bibiktimahin mo Doc,” the person added.

“Loko, pinsan ko ‘to si Xtian kagagling ng Manila,” he shouted back.

“Ah ok. Sige, uwi na ako at maaga pa tayo magbukas ng clinic bukas,” the man replied as his engine starts and his vehicle leaves the car park.

“Sino ‘yun?,” I inquired.

“Kasama ko na doctor din sa clinic. Pasok na at alis na tayo,” he demanded.

While on the car we were discussing a lot of stuff. Our conversation went well until he discussed his clients. He told me that once he intended to cut his patients lips because his client talks rubbish all the time. That he had to stitch it back afterwards. He also told me about another client that he had to push the needle harder so that the patient will feel pain. He just wanted to, he told me.

He told me a lot of stuff more. He even told me if I had felt pleasure in pain. That I reach orgasm while pain is inflicted on me. I was no longer interested in his stories, the truth, I barely listen to him. I started to get scared of him, really scared of him. I wanted to open the car’s door and jump right off. I wanted to stop the car for me to escape. What if he’s a serial killer like the one I saw in the movies? What if he’ll kill me in the middle of the talahiban? No one will see me there of course. The thought scared me even more.

Ayan kase sa kalibugan kahit sino-sino na lang ang i-meet porket gwapo at lalaking lalaki kausap ay meet na agad. Hindi man lang inisip ang kaakibat na piligro na maaring mangyari sa akin. Parang nawala na libog ko at gusto ko na lumayo sa kanya. Heto pa, parang enjoy na enjoy siya sa kwento niya at sa mga nagiging reaksyon ko nito.

He drives really slowly so I thought I could open the door easily and jump off in case he’ll do something to me.

“Malapit na tayo,” as told me as he pointed his house.

He stopped the car and parked it right outside. He gestured me to enter his house. His house located in some village in Alabang. Not too big but very cozy. I noticed that there was another man inside, his caretaker.

“Bong* bili ka nga ng softdrinks doon sa tindahan at may bisita tayo,” he told his caretaker.

He handed some cash and Bong left with a word.

“Malayo ang tindahan kaya maari na nating gawin ‘yung balak natin,” Dandy smiled as he pulled me towards his room.

He started to undress and undress me. I can’t move and I’m uneasy, apparently still worried from his stories. I’m still scared. We had sex and it was very uneventful. Siya lang lahat gumawa ng moves. Matapos labasan tumayo agad ako at nagbihis.

“Baka darating na ‘yung boy mo,” I warned him. More of a warning for myself actually.

“Matagal pa ‘yun,” he also started to get dress.

“Late na kase, ihatid mo na ako ha,” I requested him.

“Sige na nga,” he sighed.

He drove me back to Alabang and I left without a word. Nagmamadali ako makasakay para makalayo sa kanya. Wala akong pakialam kung naging boring man ako sa sex namin basta makalayo na ako at safe, 'yun lang nasa isipan ko sa mga oras na 'yun.

Makaraan ang ilang araw nakikipag chat pa din ako at nakikipag meet sa ibang libog na taong katulad ko na nais lamang ilabas ang init ng katawan. Hindi na naisip ang kakaibang karanasan sa weirdong doctor na nakasex ko. Mukha yatang mas malakas ang tawag ng laman sa akin sa mga panahon na ‘yun kase sa sariling kaligtasan. Pag libog nga naman hahamakin ang lahat mairaos lamang.

Like the remnants of fireworks I witnessed earlier, the last memory I had of Dandy is the grin (he wears when he told his stories) weirdly and eerily like the last fading smile of the Cheshire cat.

Xoxo

The Curios Cat

*Not their real names to hide my identity.
P.S. Image is from http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/how-to-be-a-serial-killer-horror-movie-poster.jpg

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Crush

“Ayan na siya Xtian, parating na siya,” Met-Met* whispered to me. Excited as she glanced at the young guy in early 20’s about to pass Met-Met’s mother’s tindahan.

I went near Met-Met to see who she’s referring to. I already know who but would just to see the young man and also get awed by his totality. He was Jay Kidlat*, Met-Met’s ultimate crush. In fact most women from the area go gaga over Jay.

Jay Kidlat is your typical dream guy. Tall, handsome, great body and oozing with sex appeal. He’s one of the best “point guard” in the neighborhood wherein he plays most of the “paliga” in the city.

It was a routine of us every 3 to 4pm in the afternoon. I was in grade 1 then so my classes were only in the morning and I have the entire afternoon by myself if my grandmother forgets to force me for an afternoon nap.

One day, while waiting for Jay to pass the tindahan, I seated next to Met-Met. It’s almost 5pm but no Jay Kidlat came. Then one guy bought a stick of cigarette and a “snow bear” to the store he told Met-Met’s mom that Jay Kidlat just died.

Upon hearing it, I felt coldness in my entire body. I was so shock and so was Met-Met. It’s totally unexpected. Then she cried. I cried with her, because I know her childhood crush will pass her mother’s tindahan no more. I cried with her because I felt sorry for Met-Met. Some people heart gets broken so early that any chance of being able to love never materialized.

Up to now, poor Met-Met can’t find herself a boyfriend. Lots of guys are actually courting her but she can’t seem to find the ideal man in anyone of them. I don’t know really what she’s looking for (because I dare not ask) but I think at youth, she already carved an ideal man for her in Jay Kidlat. Poor Met-Met.

Anyway, I was so kilig this morning that I have to write about it. Speaking of crushes, I happened to accompany my crush while walking towards the office. OMG ang cute niya, maputi, medjo Spanish tingnan, maganda ang skin, maputi kaso nasa 5’5” to 5’7” lang ang height. Pero ok na ‘yun. Gosh, even ang barbers cut bagay sa kanya. Basta ang gwapo niya at ito ‘yung catch, he’s already married. Hmp.

Binati ko siya noong inabutan ko siya sa paglakad. Siyempre, I stand taller than him so my steps are longer compared to him.

“Hi Sir Richard*,” I greeted him not knowing if he’ll respond or not.

“Oh Xtian, musta na?,” he responded. Am I hearing it right? He knows my name? And he’s asking how I am na? Teka teka, am I even awake ba?

Kase ganito ‘yun. Si Sir Richard kase belongs to a different department on the second floor of the building. My department is on the 3rd. However, if you want to apply for an account in the office you have to submit the forms to their department. He’s the one approving them. When I just started working the office some 3 years ago, mali-mali ‘yung application ko ng account ko. So he called me up and asked me to go to their department. He scolded me because of the mistakes I’ve done in the forms over the phone.

I went to their office asking for Sir Richard. OMG. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, tinamaan ako big time. Of course, hindi ako nagpahalata. I’m so nervous because I really like him. I’m glad that the reason I was there was due to the mistakes I’ve done in my application so it’s ok to be nervous because it’s expected to be scolded.

Snub pala siya. So minus pogi points na ‘yun. Then I saw the ring, double-triple minus because he’s married already. Pero mas nanaig ang kagwapuhan niya kay erase pa din ang mga minus points na mga ‘yun.

From time to time I call his office if I have request of an access or changes in my account. He always give me cold-shoulder, even when we cross our paths on the hallways.

Then he was transferred to the other building because he got promoted when the guy who recently held the position resigned his spot.

Since my line of job requires me to contact that department (the one he just transferred into) so I still have to talk to him.

So that’s why I was shocked at pinansin niya ako and actually remembered my name. Bihira lang kase ako nagkaka crush at laging taken na o married pa ang mga ‘yun kaya ayun I just can’t help na kiligin.

While on the way, he asked me about work. About the issues I raised on the system, that he’ll take a look at it to see what he can do. Blah blah blah, I was not really listening but keep on looking at him as if I’m interested to the stuffs he’s saying but actually just looking at him, memorizing his facial details and flaws. Mas gwapo pala siya sa malapitan at mas gwapo pala siya na ngayon ay ngumingiti na siya sa akin.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

*Not their real names to protect my identity.
P.S. Image taken from http://www.impawards.com/2002/posters/crush.jpg

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Officemate


“Xtian, may nagkacrush sayo dito sa batch natin,” Mac* told me while we were waiting for the training to start. It was the English proficiency training from a call center where I used to work before.

“Talaga? Nako flattered naman ako,” I timidly replied. I’m not sure if I’am blushing or what because I though the person she was referring to was the girl seated across me.

“What if lalaki ang may crush sayo, ok lang ba ‘yun sa iyo?,” she quickly added.

I was carefully thinking of what I’m going to reply and said. “Ok lang, siya naman may crush sa akin eh. Hindi naman ako. So wala ako problem dun,” I replied her.

“Wow, that’s nice,” she said as she left me and went to her girlfriend. Probably going to discuss my answer.

I haven’t got the chance to ask her who, not that I have the courage to ask but the truth was that I am eager to know who was it. In our batch there were like only two obvious gay guy there. Both of whom not my type so I discouraged myself from finding which among the two of them.

You see they have no idea of whom or what I really am.

Then there came a time when our trainer told us to play the game of being in a hot seat. That we should answer three questions truthfully. I am so nervous that they might ask something private that I am not willing to disclose just yet. I really suck in telling a lie so that is not an option.

There was this one guy who was called, it was Jasper*. The first question for him was, “Are you gay?”

“Yes,” he replied. Smiling.

I got so much nervous now. This is vexing. Really. Thinking what kind of questions they’ll be asking me.

Then I ask myself, could he be that person the one Mac was referring to? As much as I’d like to look at Mac, I did not. I don’t know. I was just so afraid to ask. Then he was asked who his crushes on the bunch were. He mentioned my name together with two other guys. I pretend not to listen but I am quite dismayed because he’s not my type either.

Then a few others were called and then it was Ray’s* time. He was asked if he’s in a relationship; he said no but already dating someone. He was asked to describe the girl; he said the girl is actually a boy. The room went silent. No one expected his answer. No one knows he’s gay. Or so I thought, Mac knew all along and her girlfriend. But no evidence or whatsoever could tell that he’s gay. And he was asked about his crushes on the bunch, he mentioned me and Trace.

So he’s the one. OMG. I like him too! From the start of our orientation, I was actually attracted to him too. He’s not tall, about 5’4” I think, has a fair complexion, chubby and very good in singing. Grabe, it’s one of my weaknesses next to good in writing and cooking. I’m a hopeless romantic so I really like someone would sing to me, cook for me or write me letters.

It turned out that many girls from our batch were totally disappointed because most of them had a crush on him, pare-pareha taste naming LOL. Syempre I feel more confident kase he said he like me in front of all the people inside the room.

Siyempre pa, I acted as if wala lang ‘yun.

A few days gone by, he asked for my number. We’re friends na actually and we’re really cool about it. During that time was my first few weeks of awakening, finding this other self in me. I’ve been chatting and meeting up with people on line. Exclusive t guys only. Sabi ko sawa na ako sa girls and had to taste ibang putahe naman. So syempre it’s hard to control ‘yung kalibugan ko. We’ve become textmates. We’ve texted each other a lot. Right after our shift and even after waking up but during our shift we pretend like there’s nothing really going between us. I think nililigawan na niya ako pero I didn’t entertain him kase straight nga daw ako.

Then one day, he texted me if I would want to have a taste of his home cooked pasta. OMG! Marunong siya magluto. Mahuhulog na yata ako sa kanya. So I said yes. He asked if I could could go to his apartment and have him prepared the pasta there. So I agreed. Grabe a lot of things have been going through my mind. What if may mangyari sa amin, will he tell the batch that he got me? Bahala na.

I arrived in his apartment, he greeted me and asked me to seat at the couch while he prepared for the pasta. He handed me his home cooked pasta and it was delicious. In love na talaga yata ako. Then I asked him if he could sing some songs for me, he agreed and wala na. Wala na ako kawala. He drank a couple of beer while he sings and I listen to his songs. We talked a lot about a lot. His past, his likes and even his preference.

It was already dawn so I told him I’m sleepy and probably should go already. He asked to stay and sleep over, I agreed. While we were lying on his bed, he kissed me.

“What are you doing?,” I asked him. I was a bit taken a back.

“I like you,” he told me and started to kiss me again. He hug me (I like hugging, kissing, and cuddling plus he’s really good in singing and can cooked so perfect na siya for me).

“Ok,” I replied as I returned his kiss.

Our romance didn’t flourished more that the stolen kisses inside the men’s room. I’m quite new to all of this and not quite really to be on a relationship. I’m still enjoying my newly found self so being romantically attached was the last thing on my mind.

In fairness to him, he didn’t tell a soul about what happened between us. He still apologizes for taking advantage of me, our friendship, kung alam lang niya. Already told him that it was ok and it’s partly my fault to get confused. Up to now, he still thinks that our encounter was my first and last with a guy. Remember earlier that he told us that he was dating someone, they’ve become a couple and they are still together now for almost 5 years and getting stronger. It was Tim.*

He even introduced me to Tim and he told me na may crush din daw si Tim sa akin later. But he never told Tim that something happened to us before they become a couple.

Kahit papano pala madami nagkacrush sa akin. Weird, bakit konti lang girls nagkakacrush sa akin pero sa guys mejo madami LOL.

Ray was the first and only male officemate that I’m romantically linked with to date.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

*Not actuall names to hide the real identity of the people in the entry.
P.S. Image is property of http://www.phonewire.com/wp-content/uploads/call_center1.gif

Monday, October 19, 2009

Confession


Last Saturday, before going to Makati Shang instead of doing some unfinished stuffs for the deadlines, I watched two Tagalog flicks instead. I’m not much of a fan of Filipino movies (sorry) but decided to try watching “In my Life” and “And I love you so” para maiba without so much expectations or whatsoever, pampalipas oras lang talaga.

I realized in the end that I actually enjoyed the two films. I even end up reflecting on my current situation with my life on how I’ve been doing and of course my relationship with my mom and my partner.

My mom and I are very close to each other but of course there are things that I would like to remain private and stuffs that I would rather die than for her to know. After what happened to my mom and dad, there was a time when she shut me off from her life. Maybe, just to protect herself (self-preservation I might say) from breaking down and to remain strong for us her children. I understand her but find it hard to express myself to tell her that I’ll be always there for her; I know she knows that already yet I just would like to (tell). Then as time pass by things were already ok between us now. Time helps us to adjust and cope up.

As for my partner, there are a lot of things that were wrong before we even started dating. I used to recall the reason why we met in the first place. He used to be attracted to a person who would want to have sex with me. Funny but that’s the reason why we met, to talk things out. For him to beg me off, haha I still recall his endless nights where he would think of nothing but that person whom we both end up not meeting at all.

From the time we first met, other meet-ups materialize until we both realized that we slowly fell for each other. I’m no saint, so does he. While we were dating, I still hook up with other people I met online or on the street. There were times that I would hook uPOST http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.do HTTP/1.1POST http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.do HTTP/1.1p with two best friends and they end up hating each other to bits. It ain’t my fault but when they both declared that they fell for me, I’m gone.

The thing is before we met, I already knew that my partner was already committed to someone. That’s why I would like to met up with him to tell him that all that crazy feeling for the other person we both met online (let’s just call him Mic* so we’ll have a reference) is all for naught because he’s no longer free. Little did we know that destiny would play a joke on the two of us. Very unexpected and very selfish of me to allow the felling to turn up.

Our constant meet-ups became courtship. He’s been courting me all along and I used to ignore it because it was wrong. I’m slowly falling for him and so afraid for him to go so I decided we remain friends. He even introduced me to his partner over the phone and YM but his partner, who’s used to be popular in showbiz, managed to excuse him self from meeting me. Then one day, Lex* (let’s nickname my partner Lex for reference) wrote me a letter. Telling me that he’ll go away because he already fell for me and thanking me for not returning the favor. I was dumbfounded. I don’t know what to say but I know that I already have feelings for him and I can’t bear him to go away. So I made a decision, I did the unthinkable. I accepted him, I officially became his number two. Yes, naging kabit niya ako. I have no other thing in mind that time to think of an instant solution so sa katangahan ko sinagot ko na siya.

The scary thing is that I forgot he’s already with someone. Naging selfish ako. I even recalled that he said to me that he never thought it would possible to love two person at the same time. I was just so glad that he would not be leaving me now - that I still be able to see him even from a few stolen moments. I know that it’s very unkind of us and very unfair to his current flame but I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of that moment. You may judge and there’s no excuse.

I know marami sa inyo na naging bitter or nagbago ang buhay at takot na mag commit because kinaliwa kayo ng partner ninyo. Kase may isang katulad ko na naging dahilan sa pagbreak ng relationship nyo. I’m sorry, I truly am. Pero that time, sa totoo lang wala ako ibang inisip kundi ang sarap ng feeling na naramdaman ko. Parang muli akong nabuhay. Wala ako hiningi kay Lex, ni oras niya hindi ko hiningi. Kusa niya ibinigay ang bawat nakaw na sandali. From our first kiss sa loob ng tricycle kase madilim naman and the moment was just so right. I can’t even begin to describe how I felt.

Siguro after reading this, a lot of you would not come back reading my life. I will not take it against you. I just would like to share the perspective of a person who used to be a third party.

Like any other story from the movies you’ve seen in the past. We were caught. Grabe, that was one of the hardest and darkest moment that I’ve ever experienced. Lex and I were talking on the phone and he didn’t notice that his partner were already home and was already listening to our conversation. Then I heard a commotion over the other line. I heard how they quarreled. I was listening habang nag-aaway sila. I was again taken aback, caught off guard. I just listened without even listening because I was aware of what took place. Then my phone died. I didn’t notice that I already ran out of battery. My tears just came flooding incessantly, I'm barely breathing and not moving at all.

It took me hours to recover from the shock. I recharged the phone and terrifyingly turn it on. Lot of messages came flooding my phone. I didn’t read them but decided to erase them without reading. My phone rang and I answer. My partner wanted to see me.

I remember how I was afraid to see him. To tell me that it’s over between us. As much as I don’t like to see him, I forced myself to meet him.

We met at a coffee house we’re we used to hang out. His eyes we’re swollen from crying all night and he has a wound on his lower left eye.

“Why did you hang-up on me? Bakit mo ako pinabayaan?,” were the first words he told me.

I didn’t know how to respond. I don’t know how to explain myself. After a while I told him what happened that I ran out of battery and was so shocked myself that I was not able to move for hours. To cut the story short, he bid goodbye and thanked me for the brief moment I spent with him. It was one of his happiest. And so was mine.

After a few weeks he came back and I accepted him.

As I recalled it, if given the chance, I wish Lex and I never met at all. If we still had met after all, I would not have entertained the possibility at all. I know I love him so much but it cause so much pain to the other person whom we hurt and he betrayed. That’s the last thing on my mind, to hurt other people beyond what he deserved. No one deserved that.

I was told that karma would get back at you and it will convey you pain more that what you caused others. Siguro, it’s true. It does not only hurt me but my family suffered as well. My dad and mom broke up, the reason? You guessed it right, a third party. The same person as I used to be. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t really hate my dad that much, because I understand, napagdaanan ko. Pero the pain that brought us is beyond words. Siguro that’s why hindi na ako gaano open sa mom ko because I was guilty of being a third party.

That no matter how sorry I am, I will no longer be able to fix what’s been broken. To undo what transpired.

Grabe sa dami ng nanligaw sa akin, hindi sa pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko, at sa dami ng pinaiyak ko, never in my life would I thought that I would end up a third part and broke a relationship apart.

Sana when Lex came back to me after, hindi ko na lang siya tinangap because even if they’re not already together, Lex would never be able to give me his whole heart. He still has feeling for Athan* (nickname for his former flame). Like what he told me before that he loves both of us. If given the chance he would not let go anyone of us. Naghalo ang love at awa ko for him, that maybe the reason I accepted him back.

I would also feel guilty if I would not accept him after all it was me, the reason why Athan and Lex did not have a happy ever after. How could I turn my back on him now more than ever that he needs me.

After all these years, it happened almost 5 years ago, but I still feel that he still have feelings for Athan. That no matter how much we love each other, it would not be whole. Haha karma nga for me kase until now I still love him so much pero I think he can no longer love me like he could have if wala ako kahati. I am not complaining but do you think, it would liberate the two of us if we end up our relationship now? Parang kanta nga na ni-revive ni Regine: It’s best to leave while I’m still in love?

I’m not sure though, siguro I’m not yet ready to liberate ourselves. I don’t know really. Maybe, it’s the guilt that has been haunting me or I just matured. It maybe a little too late but I know it might be the best thing to do, or maybe not.

From now on, I will "try" not to share if I have issues with my partner in the future but will tell more about our past. Wala lang, just to tell and hope you’ll pick up some lessons and might avoid what we’ve been through.

Love is indeed mysterious; it will make you whole but breaks you into pieces if it can.

In the end, it’s up to you to decide how to be happy. You may fall, but it’s up to you if you want to stand up and start over again.

I am not sharing this to ask for your understanding. You may judge me if you may. As I mentioned earlier, you might want not to visit me again. It’s ok. I just want to share this to you, so you know, for reference perhaps or for caution. I don’t really know what or how you are going to react but I just want to tell you that it hasn’t been easy for me either. The whole journey might be painful to all of us and lessons might have been learned late, nonetheless, I learned. I know all of us involved, learned a lot as well.

Whatever I am going through right now, the pain, the hardships, I accepted it not thinking that it was the late dues to what I did in the past but part of life that I have to go through - a constant journey that I have to pass through. I have been very optimistic and have so much more to give, whatever I have to experience, I know I’ll still be able to make it through.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. The names mentioned above are not true names to protect the identity of the people involved.
P.S.S. The image was copied from http://www.darklight.ie/archive/images/Confession-Sessionsbg.jpg

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dentist


Few years ago...

I waited for him outside National Bookstore in SM North. He was already 20 minutes late. I should have left the place if he hadn’t called me up apologizing, explaining that he was struck in traffic. A few minutes more and a Toyota Rav-4 halted in front to where I am standing. The passenger seat window opened and the driver wearing an aviator asked if I am Xtian. I nodded and he signaled me to come in.

I really would like to say no but don’t want to appear rude. He doesn’t really look the same with the photo he showed me. My instincts told me not to but I’m so horny already so I gave in.

“So saan tayo?,” I asked the chubby man driving the car. He was dress very nicely, clad in black with green detailing polo shirt neatly tuck in blue denim. He was darker in person than the photo he showed me over YM. Slimmer even in his photo. I was wondering when did he took the photo he gave me earlier. “Daya,” I told myself silently.

“Malapit lang bahay ko dito. I have a clinic. It’s close so we can use it,” he answered. I think he’s only 5’5” or something. Contrary to what he told me that he’s 5’9”. I’m 5’10” so I can tell that he’s not 5’9” at all. “Daya talaga,” told myself again.

He’s right his clinic not that far but the traffic is impossible so I understand why he came in late.

He parked the car in front of his clinic; he removed his aviator sun glasses before disembarking on his car. He’s a dentist and that explains the clinic. He opened the door and led me inside his clinic. As soon as the he closed the door he tried to kiss me but told him I don’t kiss.

“Arte mo,” he barked at me. The nerve, he doesn’t have a choice. I don’t really like him and definitely not my type so what if I don’t want to kiss him.

Instead of answering I just push him down to his knees. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my fly, pushed down my pants and boxers, let him exposed myself in front of him. I think he was so horny too that he swallowed it all without hesitation. I was surprise that he’s good at giving head. Then I began shoving it deeper further into his throat. He gagged at first then followed my thrusting.

“F*ck me,” he begged me.

I nodded.

He positioned himself at the couched. I opened the condom which I got from my pocket. Insert it to my throbbing c*ck. He handed me a lotion which I put some on my c*ck. He already undressed himself. He was lying on his back but told him to stand up first because I want a doggy style. He obliged. I started f*cking him when:

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Knock. Knock. Knock.

“WTF! Who is that?!,” I asked whispered at him.

“Oh f*ck. I forgot. I have a client by 5pm,” he answered.

He stood up to check the person by the window while I was tying to cover myself as if he hadn’t seen me naked already. “This is embarrassing,” I told myself.

He opened the door and most of his body by the clinic’s door and told his client to come back tomorrow. He explains that he has problem with tools that he forgot to tell his clients about. After a while his client left.

I was about to get dress when he told me not to and continue what we began. I told him that I’m not interested anymore.

“Could we at least jerk together?,” he offered.

“Sorry but we could do it some other time. I would appreciate it if you could drive me back to SM,” I answered and continue to get dress. Duh.

He drove me back to SM and thanked him for the ride.

“Call me,” he told me as I stepped out of his car.

“Promise,” I lied.

Later I erased his number and change my stealth settings to permanently invisible on his ID. Then I entered the gymgoers chat room. I start typing:

“Open cam here,” I invited everyone to see me. I’m horny and I’m on a hunting mode.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

Disclaimer: I only show my face ha. Hindi ako nagshoshow.

Routine


It’s been quite a while since I’ve been spending more time with work, friends and clients. Most of the time I went home late from work, then meeting friends Friday nights and working a lot with clients over the weekends. My partner and I barely talked because it’s either he’s already asleep when I get home or I’m too tired already and went straight to bed after shower.

One thing I’ve noticed though is that now that I’m very busy he keeps on checking on me. Sending me text messages to ask where I am, what I’m doing and whether I’m going home or not even if I already told him my plans. He sometimes would send endless messages if I am not able to reply immediately. Then when we find time for each other, we don’t talk that much and oftentimes he would busy himself of some school work or talk to someone over the phone.

Last weekend was not an exception. Friday night I accompany a friend. We watch a movie and then just hang out ‘til 1am. Went home and found my partner already asleep. I woke up by 7am and my partner already left for the University. Then I prepared myself to meet up with client and then spent time with my client ‘til 4am the next day. Went home and found my partner already asleep. Transfer data to my laptop then went to the shower and sleep. Hug him and he hugged me back. Woke up by 11am and wake my partner up. Ask him to prepare himself because we’re going to a lunch date before I went to a party for some business launching. By 5pm I decided not to go because I’m still exhausted and already tired. We went home and I fall asleep.

I woke up by 6am finding my partner already about to leave for the University.

“Grabe ka, ilang oras ka nang tulog,” he told me.

“Oo nga eh. Sobra yata ako napagod,” I replied.

“Bangon ka na at anong oras na. Papasok ka pa sa work,” he demanded.

I stood up and stretch my arms and legs.

“Hindi pa talaga inayos at tinupi ‘yung kumot,” he told me while fixing the bedsheets.

I didn’t reply, instead I pick up the towel and head straight to the bathroom. After taking a bath he already left. Prepared myself then went straight to the office.

For the month of September ganyang lang nangyayari sa amin (except of course when Ondoy came) pretty much a routine.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat