Sunday, March 21, 2010

Forward


“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

I knew it was coming, all I had to do was to decide and let go. I never thought it would be so easy. Thinking how to say that I had enough and that it’s all over was the hardest. But to actually face him and tell him how I feel was just a breeze.

It’s been two months since we broke up. The first few days, weeks, the first month even was hard. Having to see him every day was painful to start with, knowing that he cheated on me.

Just like watching your favorite movie and wanting (hoping) that it would have end up differently on the replay, I played what happened to us over and over again inside my head. Analyzing what went wrong or what have I done wrong. There were times when I am with some people but I can’t help thinking about him. I even felt guilty at times (well most of the time).

Then I realized it was not all my fault after all, yes, I do have my shortcomings but I work hard to fill up whatever that is. But no matter how hard you try and how much (or less) you do about it some things are just bound to end.

Then I tried reaching out to my friends again whom I neglected because of revolving my world around my ex-partner. They might not have known what happened to me but they accepted me with wide open arms. I also tried responding to bloggers who were always there to support me along the way. You never know how much these bloggers were able to help me lift up myself away from deepest pit that I’ve been through. I can’t thank my friends and blogger friends enough who have become my family here in the metro

After more than two months I can finally write about my breakup. It doesn’t hurt anymore and I am already ok. I’m actually doing very well, I was even surprise myself.

Now I am starting again, from scratch? Not really because I already have with me some valuable lessons that I learned from the experience. I’m happy though that all I remember now was all the happy part. Well I’m not really a bitter person, I even wish (hope) that my ex will find all the happiness that he wants and deserves. But I am taking one step at a time, and then hop a step if I need to then back a little but definitely I’m moving on forward.

God is really good. He prepared me well. He never left my side, he even gave me something to look forward to.

I think a particular song was right after all, it’s not really how long we held each other’s arms, what matters most is that we loved at all. That way it would be easy to let go, forgive and move on forward.

Now I can finally say that I no longer have romantic feelings for him, love, a little but mostly because we used to be together, other than that wala na. I no longer long for him, I don’t even think of him that often. And that I can assure you and that you don’t have to worry or question at all.

“We might never be friends again but I already forgive you. Thanks for everything.”

Xoxo

The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.abanet.org/media/youraba/200712/cb054564.jpg

16 comments:

  1. hindi ka nagiisa, xtian

    i know youre strong.

    you have 'us' if ever you'd need people to talk to.

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  2. friends are still around xtian..

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  3. the healing part, after the actual letting go, also does take time. there will be what ifs, what could have beens and wishful thinkings that will surely come and hit you when you least expect them. pero tama ka, take everything in stride. one step at at time. at your own pace. after all, papasaan ba ito kundi hihilom din...in time.

    but for now, keep loving and keep living the life that you have always wanted to live. choose to be happy :)

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  4. Now I'm glad you finally found your liberation.

    Happy Independence Day.

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  5. Because in letting go, we regain ourselves. Healing comes from the most surprising places, sometimes without even us looking for it. When pain is too palpable, the aftermath can only be hope. A rebirth. Be well, xtian.

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  6. thus, the hair...

    hahaha!

    *meaning di ba ganun yun kapag kakahiwalay lang at finally noved on. nagpapagupit. LOL

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  7. awww napa-smile mo ako. this is really good. i'm glad you're taking it so maturely.

    "I can’t thank my friends and blogger friends enough who have become my family here in the metro"

    feeling ako. tingin ko kasama ako diyan. haha kahit na i've only seen u twice, i'm glad na i can call u my friend. :D

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  8. congratulations on your emancipation.

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  9. Embrace the pain until it becomes only a memory... and, hopefully, love again. :-)

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  10. because if it takes courage to stand and fight for something, sometimes it takes even greater courage to just walk away and leave things behind.....

    now time to move on, move forward and move OVER... glide glide.... at flip ng yung bangs na kulay pula..... di ako makaget over, napanaginipan tuloy kita hahahahaha choz....

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  11. kadiri si yj? eeewww lol hahahaha hindi bagay sa kanay magpayo. believe me mapapariwara ka.. he and his evil bed

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  12. so this is where the story ends...

    thats the thing with new beginnings, something always has to end.

    Kane

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  13. Soon.. :) you will be okey :)

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