Sunday, March 21, 2010
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse
I knew it was coming, all I had to do was to decide and let go. I never thought it would be so easy. Thinking how to say that I had enough and that it’s all over was the hardest. But to actually face him and tell him how I feel was just a breeze.
It’s been two months since we broke up. The first few days, weeks, the first month even was hard. Having to see him every day was painful to start with, knowing that he cheated on me.
Just like watching your favorite movie and wanting (hoping) that it would have end up differently on the replay, I played what happened to us over and over again inside my head. Analyzing what went wrong or what have I done wrong. There were times when I am with some people but I can’t help thinking about him. I even felt guilty at times (well most of the time).
Then I realized it was not all my fault after all, yes, I do have my shortcomings but I work hard to fill up whatever that is. But no matter how hard you try and how much (or less) you do about it some things are just bound to end.
Then I tried reaching out to my friends again whom I neglected because of revolving my world around my ex-partner. They might not have known what happened to me but they accepted me with wide open arms. I also tried responding to bloggers who were always there to support me along the way. You never know how much these bloggers were able to help me lift up myself away from deepest pit that I’ve been through. I can’t thank my friends and blogger friends enough who have become my family here in the metro
After more than two months I can finally write about my breakup. It doesn’t hurt anymore and I am already ok. I’m actually doing very well, I was even surprise myself.
Now I am starting again, from scratch? Not really because I already have with me some valuable lessons that I learned from the experience. I’m happy though that all I remember now was all the happy part. Well I’m not really a bitter person, I even wish (hope) that my ex will find all the happiness that he wants and deserves. But I am taking one step at a time, and then hop a step if I need to then back a little but definitely I’m moving on forward.
God is really good. He prepared me well. He never left my side, he even gave me something to look forward to.
I think a particular song was right after all, it’s not really how long we held each other’s arms, what matters most is that we loved at all. That way it would be easy to let go, forgive and move on forward.
Now I can finally say that I no longer have romantic feelings for him, love, a little but mostly because we used to be together, other than that wala na. I no longer long for him, I don’t even think of him that often. And that I can assure you and that you don’t have to worry or question at all.
“We might never be friends again but I already forgive you. Thanks for everything.”
The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.abanet.org/media/youraba/200712/cb054564.jpg