Saturday, May 22, 2010
Nahinumduman nko ba katong hapit na gani ko matapos sa elementary na ako na lang diay ang ‘wa pa ka lolo sa amoang batch. Tanan nabuhat na nila. Sa tinuod ra wala man gud ko’y nahibal-an sa mga ana nga butang. Abi nako ang lolo kay iyot, kundi diay magdula man diay sa imo patotoy gamit sa kamot hantod magawasan ka hahahaha.
Usa ka adlaw nagdula mi sa akoa mga amigo ba og alutanay tapos naay niduol sa amoa na silingan mga kaedara ra gud pud namo na nasakpan daw ang amoa duha ka amigo na lalaki na naglolo sa ilalum sa lamesa. Nakuratan man ko kay abi man nko dati na ang lolo kay iyot dili man diay. Unya duha gud to sila ka laki so d dyud pwede na mag-iyot sila. Oo ‘wa pud ko kamao na pwede diay mag iyot ang duha ka laki hahahaha. Unsa pa, late ra dyud ko pirmi ani.
Tapos usa pa pud ka adlaw ba, ulian naman ‘to tapos uso man ang mangaon og binignit pagkahuman sa klase. Tua mi nagtambay mga lalaki nko nga ka eskwela sa payag na gabaligya og binignit. Ginasungog nila akoa usa ka klasmate na sige daw og lolo, tapos kantsawanay ba. Didto na nko nahibal-an kung unsa ang lolo.
Paghuman namo og elementary sa akoa mi lola namuyo sa akoang manghud kay para makalaag og dula pirmi. Didto na nako gitistingan mag lolo. Tsamba pa dyud na ginabuhat ang silong sa balay so wala tawo ngadto so. Akoa dyud gisiguro na walay tawo makakita hahahaha.
Nilingkod ko sa likod sa pader sa may bintana para makit-an nko dayon kung naay muagi ba. Human akoa na gibaba akoa short hantod sa paa, tapos akoa na gidula dulaan akoang patotoy. Human taas baba, taas baba. Naunsa man kay nidako man, mitindog og hasta na mang gahi-a ani. Human lami man diay, giganahan man ko sa akoang gibati. Init akoa paminaw ba na gikan gyud sa akoang sulod sa lawas. Mao na akoa gipas-pasan. Lami gyud kaayo makapiyong piyong pa gyud ko sa kalami sa akoa nabatyagan. Kalami na man ani uy, akoa pa gyud gipaspasan pa gyud hantod na dili nman nko makaya. Nipiyong na lang gyud ko.
Tu-a na gigawsan ko sa unang tulos nko hahahaha. Init siya, pilit pero mura ra man og tubig. Gikapoy ko og maayo. Pero lami kaayo akoang gibati. Akoa na lang gitrapuhan sa akoang t-shirt dayun gitaas na nko ang akoa short. Tapos naisip nko ngano karon lang man nko ni nadiskubre uy. Sagdi lang kay buhaton ko lang utro hahahaha.
Hala ka dira kay naganahan na man ko, maka adik man diay sya. Pirmi na nko ginabuhat hahahaha. Upat o unom sa usa ka adlaw, laliman gud ka. Pero dili na murag tubig mura na og paste hahahaha o elmers glue na nabutangan og tubig. Hahahaha dayun mao na to. Kung mataymingan nga ako ra usa, mag-lolo na dayun ko hahahaha. Adik.
Usahay gani sakit na pero sige ra gihapon kay lami man gud.
Naa pud mga gabi-ona na gina-atik nako akoa manghud kung tapad mi matulog na galindol ba tapos magbukot ko og habol kay murag mahadlok pero ga-lolo na diay to hahahaha. Ambot ra kung nabawo ba 'to siya atoa kay murag man pud na abi niya na galindol gyud hahahaha. Mao 'to pirmi na gyud. Makadako bya siya og patotoy kadugayan ay. Testingi ra gud d pa man huli ang tanan.
Sa makasabot na lang ani hahahaha.
The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://protaku.com/pics/mastur/nuku-nuku-jerk-off.jpg
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I’m here by myself sitting by the window side, watching people come and go while writing something that come to mind. One thing about me is that I rarely remember names but I almost (if not always) remember every face I see and the clothes they wear that particular time. Hair styles they sport and sometimes shoes they wear. At the end of the day I try to forget them and hold on to the faces that strike me the most. Then I try to write about it but no words usually equate what I truly feel about my observation, no matter how hard I try.
When I travel, I usually sat by the window. Trying hard not to fall asleep. I would watch the landscape that I passed by and trying hard not to blink because I might miss something - a very bad idea because I always end up becoming dizzy and I usually vomit before the end of the trip.
It’s a different here in the Metro though. Here where everything seemed to pass so fast I tend to sit by the aisle instead so I could get out fast enough before the bus leaves for the next stop. I wouldn’t want to miss my stop, else I would walk a thousand steps to get back to where I supposed to be.
I draw, whatever words fail to express I try to compensate it with my drawings and sketches. I don’t think that I am good with it, but I think it’s fair enough. I remember when I was in school I usually draw my teachers and classmates while listening to lectures. I would draw things with faces that would best illustrate them (I think). My classmates and teachers would end up laughing after seeing my drawings. It would always make me happy. Seeing them happy. Sometimes my drawings would end up printed in t-shirts and cards. I actually like it because they appreciate it.
I always draw people (almost exclusively). I like watching and observing them. Sometimes I caught myself staring at a person for too long and scold myself because he/she might find it rude. I appreciate every detail, every scar, and every line. The eyes speak a lot, I know if they’re sad or if they’re happy. There's something about faces that fascinates me.
I remember a conversation I had with 2 friends. They we’re asking me what I think of a person if I find him handsome or not. Or who’s the most handsome or the least that I know of. I find it hard to answer, not because I’m scared to offend but it’s just hard for me to categorize people by their faces. My friends concluded that I have no concept of what’s handsome or “pangit” at all.
This entry seems to be lengthy already and I don’t even have a plot. It’s just one of the lazy day that I’d like to be by myself because the person I’d like to be with the most can’t possibly be with me at the moment. But regardless how I miss the person terribly, I know there’s a reason why I can’t be with him for now. So I just close my eyes, write something and sketch, after all, I already memorize his face and by remembering him, somehow, it makes me not so sad anymore.
The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://rgr-static1.tangentlabs.co.uk/images/bau/97803162/9780316287050/0/0/plain/face-forward.jpg
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I can’t sleep that night. It wasn’t the heat or the noisy neighbors. Not even the small space I had to occupy while sleeping. I was restless and thinking about what I did in the past. In a way, they’re hunting me. Faces materialized before me, bodies I interacted during my exploring days. Then I began counting. One, it was the doctor from not so distant neighborhood. Two, it was the one who played pool. Three, it was the dentist I didn’t like. Four, five… I lost count and finally fell asleep.
“Whatever happens, I’m here…”
Words comforted me and made me more secured. I knew I had to do it, not for anyone’s sake but mine. What makes it scarier is the thought of losing something special - something that makes me happy. I can’t deny the fact that whatever the result might be, that something might change, after all humans tend to cloud their thoughts in times of uncertainties and times of trials, specially when it involves something that can’t be healed – something that could spread and kill. But I trusted these words told to me and instead of being scared I felt an excitement deep inside me telling me that everything will be ok.
I woke up early that day. Lack of sleep won’t hinder me on pursuing the initial plan. I tried to condition myself to be ready for the test. No matter how I do it, the beating of my heartbeat beats faster each second passed. I can’t deny how scared I am. I’m scared of the test result but nothing is scarier than the thought of losing something special.
As I ascended each step going to the clinic, faces began to reappear inside my head. One, two, three…
“HIV test?,” the nurse asked me when I approached her.
“Opo,” I answered.
“Tara pasok ka and fill-up mo ‘tong form. Maupo ka,” she invited me in.
I accepted the paper and carefully read through what was written on it. I can’t clearly think that time because of fear. I never thought it was that scary. I’m so scared that I can’t even begin to describe it.
It was August of 2009. I was drinking alone finishing a bottle of Jose Cuervo while my ex was doing some University work on his laptop. It was almost empty when I finally went to bed and my ex decided to sleep too. I was not thinking straight and we did it – unprotected.
Months later I found out that my ex were doing it with some other guy – way back before that night. Apart from being mad, fear slowly building up. What if’s and worries came hunting me.
“Hindi ka sure sa age mo sir?,” the nurse asked me.
“Ah kase kala ko year, age pala kaya binura ko ‘yung una,” I lied.
“Sige sir proceed ka dun sa room *** para makunan ka ng blood sample. Bigay mo lang ‘tong paper.”
I accepted the paper and headed straight to the room indicated on the paper.
I’m scared of needles so I had to think of a happy thought while the nurse got blood sample on me.
“Ayan na, hindi naman masakit dba?,” the nurse told me while she put a ball of cotton where she inserted the needle. “Balik ka na dun sa taas para antayin and result.”
Again as I ascended the stairs, my mind counted voluntarily. One, two, three…
While waiting for the result the nurse and I chatted and she told me about stuffs regarding HIV and AIDS. I really can’t think well because the longer I wait the scarier it becomes.
After a few minutes, one guy entered and handed the nurse some papers. Those papers held the result of the test.
“Saan ‘yung kay Chris?,” the nurse asked the guy.
“Wala ba dyan?,” the guy replied.
Hindi ko na yata kaya ang delay, hihimatayin na yata ako.
“Kunin mo ‘yung sa kanya para malaman na natin,” she told the guy while she looked at me.
“May kasama ba STD tests yung sa kanya? Malamang after 2 days pa ‘yun,” the guy replied.
Nako ‘wag naman ganun katagal. One, two, three…
“Oo ‘yung sa STD 2 days pa talaga ‘yun. Pero sa HIV madali lang. Ask mo dun kung ano result ha,” she instructed the guy.
While the guy left us she began talking to me again. About the ABC’s and stuff.
“NR,” the guy informed us after a few minutes.
“Congrats Chris, hindi ka infected ng virus,” the nurse informed me.
Sobrang happy ko and was relieved to finally know that I am free of HIV. Life changing talaga siya. Sana just to be sure have yourself tested na din.
The Curious Cat