Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Recognition



I gazed upon the heavens, wandering; my thoughts lead me to the stars that glitter and sparkle upon the black canvass that is the heaven. It seemed that these stars are playing hide and seek right before my eyes inviting me to join them. But I’m not in a mood to play; it’s beyond me right now. I did not respond, instead I continue to stare showing no emotion but something boils deep inside me. They don’t know how lonely I am that night. The heavens must have known I thought, but seeing those stars doing things they are good at, I re-think. Heaven must not know what I truly feel so I lower my head.

With a backpack carefully embracing me from behind I continue to stand there. Waiting. Nothing. Busses come and go that would lead me to me once happy home, passes me by slowly. Opening their doors and warmly greeting me to come in. Tempting but I’m not in a mood for some strangers’ hospitality. They’re not what I look for. I already found my home yet out of reach. I could stand there for eternity I thought, but seeing how late it is already, sooner I have to leave and go home. I laugh, I don’t even know how to call it anymore, and home is no longer an appropriate description.

A drop of water hit my hand (holding my phone). Am I crying? Is it my tear? Why it is cold. Then another drop into my other hand and another follows and soon loads of water drop from all over me. I gazed upon the heaven again, the stars no longer visible. The glitters and sparkles that once were there are gone. Stars no longer play. Rain clouds overshadowed their natural brilliance. It started to rain. I pulled my umbrella from my backpack and covered my self from the million tears the heaven shed for me.

I re-think, again. The heavens did know what I felt. I stand corrected. They are just trying to cheer me up. They even cry for me so I won’t shed a tear.

With that in mind I entered the first bus which opens up its door for me. Welcoming me and leading me to where I need to go – to rest my restless soul.

Then everything stopped. The mirror cracked in front of me. The impact was so strong it woke me up from my trance (can you still call it daydreaming even if it’s still dark, I ask myself and as usual no answer came). The bus hit another bus in front of us. I stayed while the others (passengers) went out and look for another bus to lead them to their destinations. I stayed and I am so still. Everything seemed to move but me.

Finally we (remaining inside) were asked to exit the bus. As I entered another bus I inhaled so deep and when I exhaled, gone with it are my worries and loneliness. I finally recognized (if not fully accepted) that there are things that you can’t control no matter how you want it the other way around. Sometimes you have to go with the flow and let things be as they are. That sometimes you have to wait to get there - to where you are suppose to go. That all difficulties and hardships you are going through are the necessities you have to undergo to arm you for the things to come. I sat down on the nearest empty chair and smiled.

The rain had stopped, the stars played again and I am home – drowned into your voice telling me everything will be ok.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.pmpnonline.com/Realization_of_Anima.jpg

2 comments:

  1. as to sum up, riding in a bus is still a choice, not a chance. not all buses with fancy facade are truly welcoming. some buses are friendly yet accident prone.

    a very nice post.

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  2. wow, curioscat this is really good. i haven't read anything like this in a while. the metaphors and the internal dialog are really, really good.

    a movie whose name escapes me now had a really striking line. sometimes getting completely fucked can be a liberating experience. it's strange how something chaotic like a vehicular accident can set you free and lead you home.

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