Thursday, January 28, 2010

5


Kung iisipin numero lang naman ang 5. Sa iba malamang wala gaanong halaga ito. Sa iba naman, nagiging tagapaalala nila ito sa mga mahahalang bagay na nangyari sa buhay nila. Kaya minsan ang 5 ay hindi lamang simpleng numero.

Maalala ko dati, sabi mo magkita tayo sa Whistle Stop sa may Shang sa Ortigas. Sabi mo gusto mo lang ako makita. Ayun umupo tayo sa labas ng resto na 'yun. Kinwento ko pa nga sayo na sa loob ng resto na 'yun ay nag-dare ang isang katrabaho namin dati na makipaghalikan ako sa katrabaho ko na babeng may gusto sa akin at kinunan pa nga kami video at pictures.

Tumawa ka ngunit biglang naging seryoso. Sabi mo sa akin ito na ang huli nating pagkikita. Nagulat ako, nalungkot at nasaktan kaya tinanong kita kung bakit. Sabi mo matagal mo na ako tinatanong at wala pa din ako sagot sa mga tanong na 'yun. Pero hindi ka na nagsalita pa, sa halip inabot mo sa akin ang isang liham.

Binuksan ko ng dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel at simulang basahin ang iyong liham.

Doon ko nalaman lahat ng saloobin mo. Kung paano ka nahihirapan sa sitwasyon natin. Kung ano nararamdaman mo para sa akin. At kung paano pag hindi na nga naging tayo.

Biglang luminaw sa akin ang lahat, mga tanong ko sa sarili ko kung ano bar in nararamdaman ko para sayo, para sa atin ay biglang nagkaroon ng kasagutan. Tumingin ako sa 'yo. Ngumiti at sinubukang hawiin ang lungkot sa 'yong mga mata. Kaya ayun sinagot ko na ang matagal mo nang katanungan.

Naging tayo na.

Biglang ngumiti ka na din. Siguro natuwa sa sagot ko sa 'yong katanungan. Gusto ko pa din sana natagalan pa ang pagtambay natin sa resto na 'yun kaso may mahalagang bagay ako na pupuntahan pa. Kala ko ihahatid mo lang ako para makasakay sa MRT patungong Makati, pero sumabay ka at inihatid ako hanggang sa Greenbelt.

Nagpasalamat ako sa 'yo sa ginawa mo na 'yun. Sa pag-alis mo pabalik ng QC ay taglay ang kakaibang ngiti na ngayon ko lang nasilayan sa maamo mo'ng mukha. Gayun din sa akin, tinutukso pa nga ako ng mga kaibigan ko na parang may iba daw sa aura ko at sobrang masaya ako.

Ang saya natin noon di ba? Limang taong nakalipas na 'yun. Naalala ko lang. Naalala mo pa din ba kaya ang araw na 'yun?

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.mediateletipos.net/wp-content/images/2006/06/live5.gif

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Job


I'm early again as usual; I enter the building and greet the guard good morning while I smile as the guard replies good morning too. Get my time card and punch it in for the attendance, it says 7:25am. I'll go upstairs and say my morning prayers before going up to the third floor where my station is. I turn on the fan and turn on the computer. Type on my password, hit on the enter key before going to the attendance sheet to write what time I arrived.

It's pretty much the same every morning on a weekday.

I've been having a really tough day at the office for the past few weeks. I started the year by not going to the office for the first two days. I was still in the province renewing my driver's license on the first day and my flight going back to Manila on the second day. And those two days my boss was sending me SMS non-stop while I'm on the phone almost all day instructing my officemate what to do about the program I created. Mom was right, I shouldn't have let myself be absent on the first day of work. Now, it's like napaglihi-an that my days at the office will always be tough and rough.

Last Monday, my boss insulted me and some other programmers in front of all our officemates. You see, being a contractual it is expected of you to know everything in the office even if the job was given to you that very moment. Even if it's not your fault, you have to accept it because it's your job to fix things. That's why you are hired, that's why they hired me.

I told my boss that I'm making a mano-mano way of extracting info because the information given to me was different from the database. Then the program handed to me has missing queries so I have to analyze, redo and fix (debug) the program. That will take time, but the higher bosses were putting too much pressure on my boss that's why my boss' snaps. My boss got mad at us, telling me that the issues were given last Friday (4pm) and I was supposed to fix it last Friday. But I wasn't able to finish it 'til Monday.

Yesterday, my boss snaps again. My boss called me and one of my officemate to discuss an issue regarding some system. My officemate was not able to fix the issue so they seek for my help. Again, there's no excuse for me not to know the system so I had to accept. Instead of getting mad at my officemate, a regular employee, she got mad at me instead - insulting me and stuff.

I've been a contractual here for almost three years now. I love my job, I really do. I like my boss; however, I got to a point now that I can no longer take my boss' temper. I used to think that it's all part of the job but it's really getting into my nerves now. Nobody in the office actually like my boss that's why they kid me that I'm my boss' best friend because I don't have anything bad to say against the boss despite the temperament.

While debugging on of the program, one of the contractual from other company who's part of one of our on going project asked me it I am to become a boss someday, will I act and do what my boss is doing and acting right now. He asked me this because he too experienced being scolded at by my boss. I told him, probably not because I know how my employee would feel like, because I experienced it already. I asked the question back at him, he said he won't become like that then he laughed.

No matter how I ignore and accept that my boss will always be like that, even if I don't recognize its effect, unconsciously I am slowly draining. There's only too much I can take.

Not to mention that our salary has been delayed for two months and up to now they still owe us a month's worth of salary. The end of the month is fast approaching and we contractors don't know if we'll be receiving a pay. Aside from work, we also think of the bills we're going to pay, the money we'll give and send to our families (in the province), and the money we have to spend everyday for food and transportation.

All that I ignore, tiniis ko because I like my job. Pero I think tama na and it's time for me to move on. Some good things have to last no matter how much you love it. Now, I'm recognizing and accepting that fact. I shouldn't have agreed to be extended up to March 2010. I should have accepted the offer I was given from the other company. It's too late now, so I will have to endure this until my contract expires on March.

I should have listened to my friends when they told me to give up this job and pursue my raket. And become a full-time raketista. After all, I already build a good portfolio and already have some following. Again, it's too late for that.

What a life so far, problema na nga sa partner, problema pa sa trabaho.

Well, it's almost 8am so I'll stop here and start to work before my boss get mad again.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.nassaulibrary.org/bellmore/JobSearchNewspaper.jpg

Friday, January 22, 2010

Birthday


A few days ago it was your birthday. For the first time since we're together I didn't greet you. I didn't give you a birthday present, not even your favorite chocolate moist cake, nothing. Not even a birthday kiss.

Everyone knows that you don't celebrate it but I always make sure we celebrate it together. I hope you're not astonished as I got no surprise for you at all. Nonetheless, I'll greet you here, on this blog. This is my breathing space, even if I can't say it directly to you, I'll say it here. It's all the same.

Happy Birthday Mahal.

Even if no candles to blow for you to wish. No birthday song for you to hear from me. No more smile from me as you take the first bite on my cake. With all my heart I wish you all the best life has to offer. I wish you well. I wish you good health and I wish your wish will come true, whatever it might be...

...even if I no longer part of it.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.wildpoppies.co.nz/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/H/B/HBCAKE.jpg

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Password


I have a confession to make. One time, I badly needed to use a computer so I asked him to use his desktop PC. I was browsing the net to research something. He was off to his parents’ house to visit them so I was left alone in our pad. While downloading the files I decided to log on to YM to check on my contacts.

I double clicked on the YM icon located on the task bar and the application showed up. His YM id was still there and so is his password. I don’t intend to log in using his account but my curiosity won me over. I already doubted him that time so might as well check it to confirm if there’s any to confirm.

Usually I let him browse the internet and let him log on to YM while I sleep on the bed. He sits on the edge while using the PC so he blocked me completely so I can’t see whatever he’s doing. I really don’t mind though because I used to trust him.

Anyhow, I clicked on login and put it on invisible mode. I checked the message archive. First I looked for my YM id and there it was. All our private conversation was there, from the very start to the recent ones. Kinilig ako while reading it, it brought so many memories, happy ones, of course.

Then I checked some of the YM id’s there, mostly from the recently added ones. There at first YM id I already read something that almost drove me mad. It was there conversation after they’ve met in our pad. I was completely caught off guard. Alam mo ‘yung feeling na huminto ang mundo and you couldn’t think anything at all. Their conversation ended that they’re going to meet again. I’m thinking, what the hell, may next time pa?

Then I read the next, they too already met and they were having a good time. Then the next, almost same story altogether, wala halos pinag-iba. Oh my, I checked the dates again and it was all recent.

Initial na inisip ko, sana pala hindi na lang ako naghanap ng work ulit. Like, nawalan ako ng konting time para sa kanya. It’s like I’m blaming myself why he did all these. It’s like it was my fault for him to look for someone else.

It was painful. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling. I wanted to confront him that time but I was so afraid of losing him. You see, dati pa may pagkatanga na ako talaga. So I let it be thinking that if ever I’d spend more time with him he wouldn’t look for someone else. Kaya tinago ko ‘yun. I didn’t confront him. Baka magalit din siya at bakit ko nilog-in YM niya. Wala din ako sapat na evidence.

What I did, however, was I added those YM id on my YM contacts. I copied their conversation and saved it to my gmail. Then I began chatting with them. Some offered to meet me and I thought sige para naman makabawi ako. Makaganti. Pero I usually backed out the last minute. Hindi ko pala talaga kaya. At tsaka para saan pa?

Funny, thinking that wala na iba, pero ayun pala. Pinaniwala niya ako. Come to think of it, we never really discussed before that kami lang because dba automatic naman ‘yan na pag kayo na, kayo lang. Wala na iba? O kailangan pa ba sabihin sa agreement ‘yan? Sabi naman niya dati ako lang.

Whenever I came from the office he usually checks my phone. I didn’t put any PIN code because I don’t have anything to hide. He even deletes some messages I have there kase sabi niya puno na daw phone ko at baka hindi pumasok mga text niya. Ako naman, I don’t check his phone, I don’t even know his PIN code. Biniro ko nga siya one time sabi ko pa check ng phone niya kase he just checked mine, he got mad and refused to let me check his phone because he’s waiting for a text from his mom daw,

Right now, we still don’t talk. No conversation or whatsoever exist between the two of us. Parang room mates na lang kase na naka bed space ako. There are times that I don’t want to go home so I would end my work out late or log on to net in some nearby internet café until 11pm or 12mn. During weekends it’s either I went home ng madaling araw or nakikitulog sa ibang bahay.

Pero nasanay na ako. Nasanay na ako na hindi na kami nag-uusap. Nasanay na ako na walang kumustahan. Nasanay na ako umagahin sa lansangan. Siguro ready na ako. Ready na ako ma-gain ang freedom ko. Siguro, ready na ako maging single ulit. Lahat naman yata ng bagay natututunan at napagsasanayan.

Many of you asked bakit hindi ko pa siya palayasin, siguro dahil ayoko na sa akin manggaling ‘yun. Kelan ako mag-aantay sa pag-alis niya, siya na makakasagot niyan.

If you ask me kung ano nafefeel ko ngayon? I really don’t know. Honestly, hindi ko alam talaga.

Don’t pity me though, kagagawan ko din naman ‘to kase hinayaan ko. Ganun talaga ang buhay. Pero if you see me sa lansangan hindi mo masasabi na may dinadala pala ako na problema kase no matter what, I never fail to smile and make other people smile too.

Don’t hate him though. You don’t know his side of the story. So it’s unfair for you to hate or judge him. He’s not that bad, trust me. He’s one of the sweetest people there is. He’s his charm and ways that’s why lahat yata ng naging partner niya nahihirapan to let him go. Kaya din siguro ako nahihirapan din.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://buckeyesecure.osu.edu/pmwiki/uploads/SafeComputing/password_star.jpg

Monday, January 18, 2010

Weekend


Last Friday, the party I was supposed to go was postponed. So after working out I had nowhere else to go. I wanted to watch a movie but they no longer sell tickets because the last full show already started. That sucks. I really don't have anywhere else to go. I didn't want to go home yet. I was sitting outside mini-stop waiting for nothing but to each turn of the clock's hand - one second at a time.

After a while, I decided to go back to Cubao and stay there until I felt like going home. There I was texted by a friend asking me what happened to my blog. I texted him the temporary URL of my blog and asked him if he'd like to go out for a drink. He said yes and told me to meet him in Quatro.

While I was walking towards an ATM machine, my name was being called. It was from my younger brother's batch mate in grade school and is our neighbor in the province. He was joined by 3 more of their batch. It was nostalgic for me. Felt like home. I drink a couple of beer while we exchanged kamustahan before I left for Quatro.

There in Quatro, I accidentally met a friend. It was actually nice seeing him to finally put a face behind a name. We had a couple of rounds and finally decided to go home when my friend got drunk already. He was actually funny when he gets drunk. We hailed a cab foe him. Then I finally went home by myself and finding him already asleep. I went to the shower to take a bath then took a nap soon after.

I woke up the next day finding him already left for work. I prepared myself for a work-out. I was glad that our gimik later was still on so I decided to dine first at dampa. I was already drinking a couple of beers before a friend came to meet me. It was also nice seeing him and finally be able to put a face to a name. He also had his own gimik but decided to see me first before meeting his own set of friends.

It was already past midnight when my friends finally arrived. I asked them where we're going and was informed at Quatro. Nge na naman? I was just there last night. They insisted so we went there. We were teasing one of our friends because he's been flirting with some of the guests there but refused to actually made contact with them. We said it's ok, after all, he's the only one single in our group. We were also discussing about one of our friends who's been jumping from one guy to another and always end up hurting himself on the process. Well hindi na siya talaga natuto.

By 4am we called it a night. Before going home they ate goto then we went our separate ways after. I went home finding him not home yet, instead of worrying I took a bath before taking a nap.

I woke up the next day finding him beside me. I carefully stoop up and took a bath. I prepared my stuff then head to the gym. After the work out I was texted by a friend, he was inviting me to stay at his apartment. I went there and he introduced me to his room mates. One took a nap early because of his interview the next day. So I only get to talk with the room mate. We discussed a lot until we went to a very sensitive topic. He told me that his partner died a year ago due to lung cancer (was only 30 years old that time). He said that we were lucky to be able to spend 5 years together and 8 years for my friend and his partner. As for them, they only had 3 years together before he succumbed to cancer. He said he was already ok and finally able to move on. In fact he's already seeing someone new.

I woke up by 5am. I took a bath before I went home. I was about to insert the key when I heard a familiar text tone. It was my partner's. I stopped and the door opened. It was him, he's already heading for work. He just passed by me without looking at me. So I went inside and changed my clothes. Well, ganun lang parang hindi kami nagkakilala, or as if I didn't exist at all. Ginusto ko naman 'yun, after all, it was me who stopped communicating with him. It's just that I was caught off guard. It pains me but I had to endure it. I can already feel it that anytime now, he will leave me for good and that I'll finally be free.

That was my weekend. How about yours?

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.nomad4ever.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/san-miguel-beer-bottles.jpg

Friday, January 15, 2010

Adieu?



I was perfectly fine before I met you.
Life became greater when I met you.

Time flies so fast and we are happy.
Or so I thought that we were happy.

Things do change and so do we.
Drifting far apart, are we?

You have someone else aside from me.
I never thought you could do this to me.

I question myself where I did wrong.
Now I felt everything else was wrong.

I can no longer take it so I shut myself off.
You keep on denying I want to take off.

Now I'm here trying to be strong.
I can do this I used to be strong.

Am I ready to take the path once more?
But I am afraid to take another step more.

I'd better leave while I'm still in love.
I'd want to go when there's still left for me to love.

There'll be no other choice but to be free.
Silently I'm begging, please set me free.

I'll take it no matter how hard it will be.
I know I'll survive if you let me be.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.impawards.com/2009/posters/goodbye_solo.jpg

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Aquarium


One weekend I decided to go back to UP, to stay with my former room mate because I miss Manila. Since his girlfriend was not available we decided to go somewhere in Quezon Avenue to drink. We talked almost every topic we could think of from college to cars to girls. We share different taste when it comes with girls. He likes petite girls with huge boobs and that are a bit chubby while I like taller ones with huge butts and that are slim. Funny but it turned out that our girlfriends that time are opposite what we like. My recently ex-girlfriend only stands 5' and is blessed on the chest department while his girl stands 5' 7" and has a very shapely butt. I had fun and I was glad I did go back.

By 2am in the morning Jeff* invited me to go to "the aquarium" to look for pretty girls. I didn't bother asking him what about his girlfriend because I'm quite eager to check the place too. I haven't been there before and my curios nature told me to go and experience it.

The building was packed with cars from all sizes outside. Before we enter the place, Jeff borrowed some cash so I decided to withdraw money first and handed Jeff what he needed. We were greeted upon entering and the guard patiently checks what we had with us. Then we were guided to a huge glass in front of us. Suddenly the light lit up and we saw girls starting to enter the room opposite the glass and sat in front of us. I was amazed by how pretty these girls were. Almost everything you look for you could find there. Jeff was teasing me, if I could only see my own face I would be laughing too. I can't imagine why decided to have this kind of job when they could actually look for something else, decent. They were all wearing white, in tube and in mini skirts. My heart begun to rise and my eyes hopped from one girl to another.

There she was. The tall girl I've been waiting for, slim, slender and very fair in her white dress. Pretty face with a nice set of teeth. All smiling and waiting for me haha. I picked her.

Jeff, on the other hand, picked a very beautiful small girl with a healthy chest. I can't help but smile because you could pick your ideal girl and have then even for a brief moment in time, fantasy will become reality.

We were ushered to our own rooms and Jeff wished me luck.

Inside I carefully lie down the bed and waited for my chosen girl. Then she went inside after a few minutes. She took off my clothes carefully. Still smiling and she began the massage. I can't take it any longer so I sat up and whispered to her what I like, gently. She smiled, I tried to kiss her but moved her face away from me. I forgot what Jeff told me that most of these girls don't kiss. Instead she kissed and played my neck with her warm lips. She whispered that I don't have to do anything and just let her be in control. I felt excited. Her kisses moved down to my chest and sucking each of my nipples while caressing the other in turn, it was all pleasure. Then down to my balls before finally swallowing me. She's an expert alright, it's something I could not ask my girlfriend to do. Her tongue did wonders I can't put in words.

After a while she raises her head and still on her knees. I noticed that she already put the condom on me using her mouth and I didn't even notice it. I'm in sitting position now and spread my legs apart. She sat on me. I hugged her as she began to move slowly in a forward and back direction. Then she wraps her legs around my waist and I carefully carry her and stand on my knees. We moved together like we were dancing. It was hot and we're beginning to perspire.

I carefully lay her down to the bed while her legs still on my waist, and began pumping. I had to take charge, I told myself so I carefully position her on her side. She forwarded her left knee and I entered her slowly. I'm facing her know, looking directly at her face. I'm not sure if she's actually enjoying it or she's too expert to fake whatever needed emotions she have to express during encounters like these. Well I don't care but I want her to have a great time too.

Then I shifted her position so her back resting on the bed. I raised her both legs and enter her that way. I pumped and pumped and I came.

"Bakit ka nandito?," I began to ask while she carefully resting her head on my shoulder while I carefully run my fingers through her hair.

"Madali kase pera dito tapos kailangan ko pa supportahan mga magulang ko, kapatid ko at anak ko," she answered.

"Ha? May anak ka na?," I was bewildered.

"Oo nabuntis kase ako at hindi pinagutan ng ama niya. Kaya ayun ito lang alam ko na madali ang pera. Tsaka hindi ako nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral," she reasoned out.

"Ganun ba," I am lost for words. I just hugged her as we waited for my time to end. Napaisip ako. Pero blanko. Wala pumapasok sa isip ko that time. Siguro naawa ako sa kanya. Basta ewan hindi ko masabi o ma express ang tunay na niloloob ko that time.

After a while we went inside the shower and helped me took a bath. She gives me a head one last time before she leaves the room.

I began to dress up. Still I'm trying to dissect what I felt about our conversation. Naisip ko na isa lang siya sa mga babaeng naka upo sa aquarium. I'm sure each one of them had their own stories to tell. Whatever their reasons were, it boils down on how easy they could get money by just sleeping around with men.

I waited for a while before Jeff finally got out. He was not his usual self and apparently unsatisfied haha. I asked him what pissed him off, he said the girl he picked was so maarte. She won't even give him head haha.

We went outside to look for a cab.

"Sir!," the girl I picked called up from behind us. She's on tees and jeans. She's wearing rubber shoes and backpack on her back.

"Oh? Uwian na?," I asked.

"Oo, 'yun na nga sundo naming pauwi ng Bulacan," she smiled as she pointed out the cab nearby.

"Ah. Ingat kayo pauwi ha," I smiled back.

"Sige sir," she said as they head to the cab, went inside and on their way home.

When properly dress up she still looks beautiful sans all the makeup she used to wear when she's in the aquarium. You won't be able to tell that she works there.

I sighed and I wish her luck and I was hoping that she could find another job, a decent one, for her family and child.

I didn't go back to the place. Whenever we go to beer house, hindi na rin ako nagtatable pa or sumisilip sa aquarium. Doon na lang sa mga sumasayaw sa entablado. Everytime I watch these girls dance naked sa entablado habang patay sindi ang mga iba't ibang makukulaw na ilaw, I am wondering kung ano story niya why she end up doing that. I guess I'll never know because I will no longer ask.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

*Name/s altered to hide identity of the people involved in the story.
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.mydigitallife.info/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/marine-aquarium-screensaver.jpg

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hygiene



It was just like any ordinary night for me. I'm on my day off from my previous job as a call center agent. I used to live in Ortigas extension so Libis is just a jeepney ride away. There in Libis I would rent a pc in a 24-hr internet café to chat. I've been chatting with a lot of guys who want to get laid that night and options are quite abundant so there's no really need to hurry. The night was still young and I am having fun trading thoughts, numbers and photos with them.

I turned on the web cam and let them see who they were talking too. I'm wearing my topman sando and my now gone favorite cap so I really felt confident that I look pleasant that night. I'm not good looking but it's enough to satisfy some people's craving for a late night laid. Request to view me came flooding incessantly and I'm quite thrilled to know that they're interested. After all, maybe one of them I might get laid tonight so why turn down the requests.

It was already late and I was able to gather numbers and information of probable playmates. I responded to a cute, chinito and buffed up guy. He lives somewhere in Manila which is quite far from my place but he intrigues me. He called me up and told me he had a place if I'm interested, well I am, so I traveled all the way up from Libis to meet him at McDonalds near Pedro Gil LRT station. Libog nga naman, hindi iniinda ang layo masatify lamang lol.

There he was standing outside McDonalds wearing a yellow polo shirt and all smiles. He's kind of drunk, I could tell. Since I was there already and he's really cute so I decided to go with him. We walked for a while and rode a jeep to reach his place. His place is located on a second floor of a building and it was so dark inside. He guided me straight to his room. We begun to undress and begun to play. After a while I smell something awful. It was him, he really smells bad when perspiring. Since he's drunk he already felt dizzy. I stopped because I can no longer take it anymore. In short nawala libog ko haha. Sayang at cute niya pa naman sana. Hindi yata kasama sa vocabulary niya ang hygiene.

He just lay down there to his bed, he said na para daw ako softy ice cream, mabilis mag melt haha gusto ko sana sabihin sa kanya na ang baho niya kase pero sobrang rude naman nun kaya hindi ko na pinatulan. He closed his eyes and begun to snore. I began to dress up and went out silently so I could not wake him up. When I opened the door, nagulat ako sa dami ng tao sa labas ng room niya. Gym pala 'yun at halos nakatingin sa akin ang mga nagwowork out. That explains the wide open space papunta sa room niya. Kala ko bodega lang, ang dilim kase. Nahiya ako at nanginig haha. Ma expose ba naman na hindi nakabutton yung polo ko na lumabas sa room ng isang hunk na maaring may ari ng gym.

I head out hurriedly using the stairs and outside hindi ko alam kung nasaan ako. Basta nakakita ako ng jeep going to Guadalupe, sumakay na ako. Ang layo sobra at antok na antok na ako. Nasayang lang oras ko. Hmp.

Pagdating ko sa bahay naligo ako at nagtoothbrush then natulog hehe may bukas pa para sa next booking. Soon ikukwento ko kung pinalad na ako that time.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.virginmedia.com/images/bad_hygiene430x300.jpg

Monday, January 11, 2010

Shattered



It was Monday night and I was hanging out with my two friends. I had no plans on getting drunk because I still have a flight to catch the next day back to Manila. I am actually just planning to drink 2 to 3 beers that night.

Earlier I had a long day getting my renewed driver's license. Dan* called up to inform me that Seth* wanted to meet us before I went back to Manila. We'll be meeting up in Gaisano Mall at 8pm. Since it was still early I decided to go back to our apartment to take a bath before going to the mall. I invited my sister and her best friend to have dinner with me first at Gaisano Mall before meeting Dan and Seth.

While dinning the Port café, Dan texted me asking me where I am, I informed where I am and that I am with my sister and her friend. He came and we ushered my sister and her friend to the cinema. Right before they entered the cinema Seth arrived, Dan already informed him where we were.

Seth told us that he's hungry so we decided to dine at From Dust 'til Dawn in Torres St. Each of us ordered native chicken barbecue and only Seth ordered rice. We transferred location later to drink some beer and have a look at some locals who frequent the place.

By 9:17:54 pm I received a text message. Another miss sent. It says:

"beybi… …muah..labyue" (I deleted some text because it's too personal)

I can't believe it. It happened again after he denied it when we had our confrontation. Unlike before, he texted back informing that it was his cousin, later when I did not replied he said that it was her friend now. He even sent me text messages trying to be his cousin and friend. Who on earth would believe him this time when he can't even give a good alibi or him being inconsistent. I did not replied him ever since.

I can no longer take it so I shared it with Dan (who already know about my situation, I already told him a couple of days back in Manila) and Seth. From ordinary drinking session, the night turned out to be a drinking spree for all of us, even Dan who doesn't drink that much at all. I told them that I was excited to go back to Manila to see him but I'm no longer sure this time. I also informed two of my blogger friends through text and they empathized with me. I even texted our friend from the Middle East informing him that Dan, Seth and I were together drinking, he called me but I was not able to answer his call so he called Dan instead.

By 3:45am we decided to go to a birthday party. It was Seth's friend. Upon arriving I was quite shock to find out that one of the person there come from the school I graduated with the same course only a year lower my batch. He knows me and I know him but both of us have no idea that we have this "double" life. We acted as if we didn't know each other and just shake our hand when introduced.

I was also shocked how people were so open in that party considering that we occupied a space in the street that people come and go. That some were kissing. I even witnessed Seth kissing my schoolmate many times. I guess I am not yet ready to that kind of life. I guess Ternie is right after all, I am conservative. I just can't imagine them kissing in from of many people in a very open and public place.

My schoolmate is a hunk while Seth is a heartthrob. Both have the looks to wader. Imagine how many girls will cry if they found out that this two guys were kissing each other while they (girls) wanted just to even hold my schoolmate and Seth's hands. I wonder if my batch mates and his batch mates knew anything about it. I guess no.

By 5am, I called it a night, I should have eaten breakfast and lunch earlier because right now I see them all doubled up. I also have a plane to catch later. Dan also decided to go home as well. We bid them good night while Seth helps us held a cab. I went home with a heavy heart that night not knowing what to expect when I arrived Manila. No matter how many liters and gallons I drank that night, no amount of alcohol could take away the pain I felt that night.

They see me as I strong person, but I am only a great actor, a great pretended trying to be strong. But deep down inside I'm shattered like Emma Frost did when shot by one of her doppelgangers. I wish I had my Jean Grey to put the many shattered pieces of me back into whole again.

Goodbye Davao, Hello Manila.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

*Not actual names to protect the identities of persons involved.
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.tintworks.net/Shattered%20glass.jpg

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010


I’m still wide awake in front of the computer as my fingers gently touching the letters on the keyboard to write what’s on my mind this very moment. I can’t help but smile remembering hours ago our New Year celebration could have been a disaster if we didn’t suyo our mom after she made tampo to us because two of our brothers fought over a “plants vs zombies” game. It’s a good thing that my sister persuaded my two brothers to apologize to our mom for their stupidity. When my mom finally stood up and gave us each children a hug and kissed our cheeks to greet us a happy New Year we can’t help but return the favor. What a moment indeed.

My brother and sister started the fireworks while our kasamabahays prepared the table for our New Year feast. All of us then jump around the house hoping we would get taller lol. Then I opened up the Champaign for us to toss to a great year ahead of us. My two brothers were happily snapping pictures to freeze the moment.

What I remember most during that feast were the smiles each of us wear as if nothing bad happened to us. I’d like to think that we were all able to move on from dad’s leaving us before New Year a year ago. We finally accepted that he will no longer go back and that we all have our separate lives now, without him and him living his life without us. That we are what we have now: Mom, my brother and his wife and daughter, my sister, my two brothers, my aunt, my uncle, me and a couple of kasambahays.

We will try to protect and love more each one of us. We’d like not to think much on how my dad’s relatives keep on trying to bring us down ‘til nothing will be left to us. I know God will not let them succeed. I know God will protect and help us. It saddened me because I can’ fathom why they’re doing this to us when they already succeeded in manipulating our dad to leave us. Each of us will not let them hurt us once again.

As we celebrate the New Year to come, I can’t help but admire my mom. Her strength and courage to carry on for us her children is just remarkable. Instead of pitying herself she holds her ground and fought for herself, for us. That she was able to stand and sustain her spirit, she never did falter even once. Her love for us makes her even stronger and we get our courage to move on through her. She might have age a bit but she gained wisdom way ahead her age. I just can’t help but be proud of her, not just because she’s my mom, but also because she’s a survivor. I don’t know how she did it but she did and that’s a thing to celebrate.

You know what; I also admire my siblings for they were able to withstand the pain brought about my dad’s infidelity and abuses to my mom. It was hard for me but it was harder for them because they witnessed everything while I’m away fighting for my own survival in the metro. I just hope that they will not be traumatized by what they saw and experienced.

I’m glad I saw them all smiling again. At least I know they will be ok. I k now that they are also looking forward for a better tomorrow. Somehow, when I get back to Manila, I’ll be at ease to know that they are coping quite well. That they too have finally accepted our fate and be able to move on and forward. What awaits us in the future is yet to unfold before our eyes but we gained so much experience and lessons from last year that we will not succumb easily to whatever surprises life will throw at us. We also have proven that no matter what will happen we will be always there for ach other. I am happy to see them smile once again.

If anyone will be looking at me while I write this entry, they might think I’m a bit mad because I just can’t help but smile each time I put in words what my mind conceives. Well I really don’t care because I’m just relieving that moment I witnessed a while ago. Then again, who wouldn't smile and be happy when you know that you’re family is finally whole again. Family doesn’t have to be complete to be whole; you just have to know that you all love each other, know that you are love in return and that each and everyone will always be there for each other.

Life has its own way of teaching us some lessons. It is said that our fate is written in the stars long before we are born. That each of us is connected. These things might be true but I think it is still up to us to decide what to do, which path to take and take full responsibility of our actions. After all, it’s our life to live.

I wish you all happiness, contentment and love. Cheers to a New Year.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image courtesy of http://cache.planetnatural.com/planetnatural/images/large/tomato_seedling_lg.jpg