Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Change


The first quarter of 2010 is about to end yet a lot of things already came to pass Things happened so fast that it left me joggling a lot of stuffs at a time. First there was the break-up and then I lose a lot of weight. My contract in the company is about to end and a lot of opportunities to seek for a better job come knocking at my doorsteps. Going out with friends again and meeting up people is again part of my life. Then I finally move on and I'm taking things slowly this time. A lot of transformations come my way and I'm glad that I'm coping up.

I was 207 lbs before 2009 ends and I realized that I need to do something about it. I decided not to eat rice on the 24th of Dec of last year and haven't taken rice ever since. From 36" I'm down to 32" and I can already wear skinny jeans haha. From XL shirts, small and medium sizes fit me all too well. Friends even offer to help me shop for new clothes hehe. Then I'll hit back to the gym come this April after a month of hiatus for body toning (I have no plans yet to buff myself up though).

The most drastic change however is my hair. From the long silky black hair my hair stylist friend decided to cut it into Korean/Italian style we often see on TV and glossies.

I was with a friend that night and we've been talking a lot of stuffs. I did mentioned what happened to me and my plans for the future. Then I showed him my ID and passport and he told me that I look better with a short hair. I told him that I'm still fat and so used to sport this long hair for so long that it's scary to cut it just like that. Eventually, I got so inspired and finally decided to have it cut that very hour.

I sent a friend an SMS to ask her about my stylist friend's number so I could contact him to give me a hair cut. I received the text and finally able to get hold of the stylist's number. I texted him and finally called him up.

"Hello san ka ba?," asked Ads*, my stylist friend.

"Dito ako sa Ayala Ave., buti gising ka pa," I replied.

"Hellooooo, 3 am kaya nagsasarado ang parlor namin. Ano ba nakain mo at magpapagupit ka sa ganitong oras (almost 1am)?," Ads asked again.

"Wala lang, gusto ko lang pagupit," I replied.

"Goooo. Alam mo ba pano pumunta dito?," he asked me again.

"Hindi e, txt mo na lang sa akin para punta ako dyan," I requested and I ended the conversation.

"Heto na yung address oh," I showed it up to my friend.

"Ah madali lang yan," he told me.

He held a cab for me and gave the cab driver the instructions on how to get there. I thank my friend for inspiring me. I'd really love to hug him but we were in a public place so I just texted him again how I felt.

Ads was already outside when I arrived at the parlor. He greeted me and showed me inside the parlor.

"Ano ba gusto mo gupit? Trim ba?," he asked me.

"Yung pinakita ko sa facebook ko, yung sa wall photos na album," I replied.

"Kaloka ka friend! Sigurado ka? Kala ko trim lang. Teka hihinga muna ako ng malalim. Teka sure ka ba talaga? Hoy mga bakla (referring to the other styling inside the parlor) papagupit daw niya (referring to me) buhok nya," Ads reacted violently while laughing.

"Hala hindi ka ba nanghihinayang dyan?," asked the other stylist.

"Oo nga, sayang naman buhok mo. Dko kakayanin yan pag ako. Paunti-unti siguro pero yung total gupit? Kalerki ka kuya," reacted another stylist.

"O sya, Xtian hali ka na at i-shampoo na kita. Haha kaw talaga," Ads laughed.

I was already sitting in front of the mirror while Ads was preparing my hair. He grabbed the pair of scissors and was already ready to cut it off.

"Teka teka teka… P*tang 'na 'tang na teka...," was all I could ever said.

Ads handed me the hair in a bun he just cut off me. I just received it from him and look at it for a few minutes before looking back at myself in front of the mirror. I almost do not recognize the reflection in front of me. A younger version of me perhaps and I began smiling.

Ads was an expert and I've been working with him for more that a year so I trust him already.

The rest of the people in the parlor applauded me for my courage to finally cut my hair short. It's been more than 3 years and in just a blink of an eye it was all gone - my shiny long black hair hehe.

Ads then took out his phone and took a photo of me with the camera installed in it. We headed to the nearest internet shop and he posted my photo for all our friends to see. The next thing I know, my facebook was flooded with messages of mix emotions from my contacts in facebook.

I texted my friend whom I am with earlier and told him about the hair cut. I even sent him a copy of the photo that Ads took earlier. I can't wait to see him again. I thank him for inspiring me to have it cut off.

We went back to the parlor. As promised I allow Ads to color some of part of my hair (in exchanged of styling it for free) which he told me I could color back to black after a week. Guess what color he put on my hair? Purple, yes it's purple haha.

The next day I had a fever. I don't know really know why but every time Ads cuts my hair I always had fever right after. But the result was always amazing and my hair grows back fast.

The week is almost ending so I could finally color it back to black. Then maybe come April or May I'll sport the hair cut I had back then, just like the one I have on my current passport photo.

Even though I've been through a lot for the past 3 months, I'm glad it all happened. It made me a better person and made me finally smile again.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.malemodelscene.net/

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Forward


“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

I knew it was coming, all I had to do was to decide and let go. I never thought it would be so easy. Thinking how to say that I had enough and that it’s all over was the hardest. But to actually face him and tell him how I feel was just a breeze.

It’s been two months since we broke up. The first few days, weeks, the first month even was hard. Having to see him every day was painful to start with, knowing that he cheated on me.

Just like watching your favorite movie and wanting (hoping) that it would have end up differently on the replay, I played what happened to us over and over again inside my head. Analyzing what went wrong or what have I done wrong. There were times when I am with some people but I can’t help thinking about him. I even felt guilty at times (well most of the time).

Then I realized it was not all my fault after all, yes, I do have my shortcomings but I work hard to fill up whatever that is. But no matter how hard you try and how much (or less) you do about it some things are just bound to end.

Then I tried reaching out to my friends again whom I neglected because of revolving my world around my ex-partner. They might not have known what happened to me but they accepted me with wide open arms. I also tried responding to bloggers who were always there to support me along the way. You never know how much these bloggers were able to help me lift up myself away from deepest pit that I’ve been through. I can’t thank my friends and blogger friends enough who have become my family here in the metro

After more than two months I can finally write about my breakup. It doesn’t hurt anymore and I am already ok. I’m actually doing very well, I was even surprise myself.

Now I am starting again, from scratch? Not really because I already have with me some valuable lessons that I learned from the experience. I’m happy though that all I remember now was all the happy part. Well I’m not really a bitter person, I even wish (hope) that my ex will find all the happiness that he wants and deserves. But I am taking one step at a time, and then hop a step if I need to then back a little but definitely I’m moving on forward.

God is really good. He prepared me well. He never left my side, he even gave me something to look forward to.

I think a particular song was right after all, it’s not really how long we held each other’s arms, what matters most is that we loved at all. That way it would be easy to let go, forgive and move on forward.

Now I can finally say that I no longer have romantic feelings for him, love, a little but mostly because we used to be together, other than that wala na. I no longer long for him, I don’t even think of him that often. And that I can assure you and that you don’t have to worry or question at all.

“We might never be friends again but I already forgive you. Thanks for everything.”

Xoxo

The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.abanet.org/media/youraba/200712/cb054564.jpg

Friday, March 12, 2010

Drunk


I had second thoughts whether I’ll be attending the party last Monday night. My friend insisted that I should go, Mimi* is so demanding (at times like a scornful wife) so I had to agree. I don’t want her getting upset and I love her like a sister so I had to gave in.

On my way going to Makati, I received an SMS from a friend informing me that he’s in Makati hanging out at Starbucks. Since it was still 6pm, I decided to meet up with him since my dinner with some friends was set later at 8pm. We chatted for a while. I actually enjoyed hanging out with this friend. We parted ways by 7:45pm I think.

Instead of riding a jeep I walked instead. I headed straight to Greenbelt and waited for my friends to arrive. As usual, they were late. They were 6 of us including a client who was inquiring for our services. The dinner turned out into a business meeting. Our target date of was tentatively scheduled to March 27.

Later on, 5 of us went to the party less the client. I hesitated at first because it was a Monday. Knowing myself, I won’t go home ‘til I’m dead drunk. I had so much to drink that I totally black out. The last thing I recalled was me hugging my girl friend while resting my head on her shoulder.

I woke up on my bed, wearing boxers and still wearing my shoes. I was so dirty. My hands and right shoulder were muddy. I saw my pants, polo and t-shirt inside my bag and they smelled nasty. Apparently, I vomited with me recalling it. My mobile phones were already missing.

Still having a headache, I put on a shirt and went to a nearby pay phone. It was already 11am. I dialed my girl friend’s number.

“Hello,” it was Mimi on the line.

“Ei Mimi, anong nangyari kagabi?,” I asked.

“OMGee Xtian, ang lasing lasing mo kagabi!,” Mimi replied.

“Alam mo ba hindi ko makita dalawa kong cellphones. Hindi ko maalala pano ako nka-uwi Mi,” I told Mimi.

“Haha grabe ka kase. Tinulak mo pa nga si Paul* sa labas ng bar then natumba kayo sa damuhan at asar na asar si Paul sayo. Alam mo ba na sina TJ* at Simon* naghatid sayo kagabi sa Araneta?,” Mimi inquired.

“Tapos daw nung dun na kayo sabi mo daw kay TJ ‘Go away TJ, go away. Please, please, please. I can handle myself’ tapos pinapaalis mo na daw siya,” Mimi continues.

“Wala talaga ako maalaal eh kaya pala may putik yung braso at mga kamay ko,” I sighed.

“Tsaka alam mo ba pinaggagawa mo sa party? Hinalikan mo yung girl na hindi mo kilala at naghalikan kayo sa gitna ng party then dinala mo yung isang bote ng Bacardi sa CR at tinunga mo doon,” Mimi recalled while laughing.

“Tsaka, nanunulak ka sa amin then pinag-smack mo lahat kami haha,” Mimi continued as she laughs.

“Ano? D nga? Wala ako maalala. Last na recall ko hinug kita then nilagay ko ulo ko sa balikat mo. After nun wala na,” I explained.

“Na-possess ka yata. Kase naman hindi ka na kumakain lately sa kakadiet mo kaya nalasing ka tuloy ng bongang bonga,” Mimi laughs as she recalled the incident.

“Nakakahiya Mi, pati sila hinalikan ko? Ano number ni TJ* para kausapin ko?,” I sighed again.

Mimi gave me TJ’s landline number and informed me that Paul texted her to ask if I’m ok. I hang up the phone and dialed TJ’s.

“Hello,” the other line answered.

“Pwede makausap si TJ?,” I inquired.

“Wala siya dito eh, nakaalis na, sino ‘to?,” the person on the other line asked.

“Si Xtian, pakisabi na lang tumawag ako,” I answered.

“Uy, si Simon to hehe,” Simon replied.

“Tang-na tol nawala cellphone ko hindi ko na maalala anong nangyari kagabi nablack-out
na ako,” I informed Simon.

“Oo grabe ka kagabi tol, lasing na lasing ka. Pinaghahalikan mo kami kagabi. Torid kissing kayo ni Mimi haha,” Simon laughs.

“Tae, d nga? Bakit mo naman ako hinayaang halikan ka? Bakit mo din ako hinalikan?,” I asked him.

“Ok lang ‘yun lasing naman tayo lahat dun e hehe,” he laughes at me again.

“Nasarapan ka ano?,” I teased him.

“Hehehehe. Alam mo ban a pagdating natin sa SM cubao ay pina-uwi na ako ni TJ kase kaya ka na daw niya. Tapos ayun sumakay ako ng bus pa Caloocan then nagising na lang ako na nakapark na yung bus at kasama ko na antutulog yung bus driver at konduktor dun haha. Tsaka yung bag ko nalaslasan din pero wala naming nawala. Yung camera at cellphone nandun pa din,” he recalled what happened to him.

“Haha talaga? Adik ka din. Uy ha baka kinunan mo ako ng pictures kagabi,” I asked him, worried.

“Yung mga kuha lang natin as group. Kukunan ko sana kayo nung natumba kayo ni Paul sa damuhan kaso nakatayo na kayo nung na-on ko na ang camera ko hehe,” he relayed.

“Ganun ba? Sige salamat tol ha. Tawag na lang ako ulit para kausapin si TJ sa nangyari kagabi ha,” I hanged up the phone.

I paid for the pay phone and bought 4 tetra packs of juice because I was so thirsty. Maybe I was dehydrated from last night drinking spree. I went back to my room after finishing the drinks.

I had a terrible headache so I decided to nap again. Then I noticed that my ring has gone missing as well. My cell phone chargers were missing too. I sighed and dozed off.

I woke up by some noise when my ex arrived. I just turned on the other side of the bed and went back to sleep. I finally woke up by 9pm. I decided to buy pain reliever for my headache and bought Gatorade to quench my thirst. I ate dinner then went to a nearby internet shop.

I log on to YM, FB, and Twitter and informed my friends about the missing mobile phones. Of course, I didn’t inform them yet what really happened why I lost them. I chatted with some friends before I went home to sleep again.

Last Wednesday, I called Globe and Sun to disconnect my phone numbers. Globe promised to give me a new prepaid SIM for free and any promos I joined and load I had on my lost SIM will be transferred on my new SIM.

Oh I had to omit the “drinking spree” when I retold what happened to me to my bosses, officemates, some friends, clients and family. I don’t want to get into more trouble you know. After all, they just had to know how I lost my phones and why I didn’t report to the office last Tuesday.

Yesterday I had my old mobile phone fixed (it costs me Php 1.8k) and inserted my new prepaid SIM (which Globe gave me for free). Luckily there’s no need to reformat my old phone so all the messages, photos, and contacts I stored there are still available.

Yehey! I can text and call again.

Lesson learned: Don’t drink with an empty stomach especially on a Monday night. Well come to think of it, they actually like kissing me haha.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat

P.S. Image is courtesy of http://interact.stltoday.com/blogzone/the-platform/files/2009/11/drunk-driving.jpg
*Not actual names to hide true identities.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Renounce


There’ll always be challenges along the way, I know that. I am the type of person who doesn’t easily give up, as long as I can still take it, I’ll take it. Even with friends, even if everyone else seems to leave a friend behind I’ll always be the last one to let go. But you see there are also battles that you should know and recognize (and accept) that are not worth fighting for anymore. You just have to let go and move on to the next challenge that life has to offer.

It was summer of 2007 when I finally realized that my love for art is not enough for me to sustain my stay here in the metro. Less than Php 1K a week of salary doesn’t compensate for the things I needed to spend for myself. I have to pay the rent; need to spend for fare and almost once a day meal. Amazingly, I survived. For almost two years I stayed working in animation industry. I love my job there, imagine drawing all day long and am with people of the same likes and hobbies as I do. It was perfect but not financially (rewarding). My situation is the same for all the artists working in that studio.

Come to think of it, we were lucky compared to other artists working in other studios. We were paid like Php 18.00 to 25.00 per drawings while other studios only pay for Php 12.00 to 14.00 per drawing. Even if you like drawing, but the pressure of drawing a lot in order to have a higher pay when the week ends tires you eventually. Fingers and hands are hurting and deadlines were impossible to meet yet we’re able to make it. Instead of going home, to earn more and to lessen expense in fare, we would stay all week long in the studio and eat instant noodles just to earn more (I lost a lot of weight though hehe).

It took me to realize all these things when our studio finally decided to close. Panicked stricken, a lot of artist began looking and transferring to other studios. We were all divided and separated into different studios around the city. Three of us transferred to Tomas Morato, a small studio but pays better while most of my colleagues decided to work in Pioneer (home to the biggest studio in the city).

Even though the studio I was working pays better but it doesn’t seemed to be the same. I no longer have with me the friends I get to know and love. Gradually it doesn’t seem to be fun anymore. That’s when I finally decided to go back to corporate world. I shifted to programming. Life becomes so much better. IT industry really pays well. You see, I no longer have to eat instant noodles (except for the time I want to remember my friends in animation). I don’t need to worry for the rent and bills I have to pay. I can send money in the province whenever my family needs it. I can watch movies again just like when I was in college. I am not extravagant so I only live according to my needs, so I am able to save some.

I’ve been working here at my present job for almost 3 years now. Even though the pressure work gives me, I am able to handle it pretty well. I love my work here actually, everyday I learn something new and that excites me. There’s always something to look forward to. I’m glad that every moment I’m here I get to live it to the fullest. Then again, another challenge comes my way. The last company that handles our contract was affected by the US economy. The company suffered so much during the recession consequently, it also affects us contractors. Salaries were delayed (two months the longest). Since we love our work here and we like the people we give our services to, it’s really hard for us to let go and resign from this company. It started August last year and up to know the company still owes us a month worth of pay and we don’t know yet when we’re going to get it or if we’re going to receive a pay this coming payday. We already seek help to DOLE but to no avail.

I just realized that it’s not worth working here anymore. No matter how you’d like to understand the company’s situation it’s just so hard. Working everyday under pressure and receiving nothing as compensation will slowly leave you uninspired, drained and hopeless. Again, love for work is not enough. I endured this for 7 long months already but I can no longer take it anymore.

After my contract ends this March, I will no longer renew it, whether I can find a new company to work for or not (don’t roll your eyes just yet Maxxwell, I know I told you to look for a job before quitting which you actually did). It will be hard for me, yes, I might even go back to eating a cup of noodles a day but I’ll take it. At least I will not work for naught. Well, I have still my “raket” as a fall back, even though it’s (pay) not enough but I still have something to earn. My “raket” actually saves me from those times we’re not receiving anything from our company so I think I’ll be ok. Hey I just survived a break-up from more than 5 year relationship so leaving this job would be a piece of cake. How hard can it be?

So guys, this is it. I finally made up my mind. I will no longer renew my contract so better wish me luck, ok? I know God will provide for those who work hard and persevere. I know I’ll be ok.

Xoxo

The Curious Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://www.freefoto.com/images/41/13/41_13_69---Red-Traffic-Signal_web.jpg