You were all aware that the main reason why I transferred to another company was the fact that my company then was not able to pay us our salary on time. In fact, it took them almost 6 months to pay us. Aside from that, I really wanted to be promoted. However, being a contractual employee won’t give you any change to be promoted to a higher position. Yes, you can have your salary increased but promotion, definitely a no. So that was motivation enough for me to resigned when my current company offered me a job that guarantees promotion after a period of time.
When I was assigned to a project, my current assistant manager (AM) and I had a discussion about expectations and the reasons of my transfer. I was very vocal about the fact that I want an opportunity to become a team leader in two years time. That from my former company that (promotion) was not possible. I was promised that I could get that promotion (in two years) if I were to meet what is expected of me.
I worked hard. God knows that I am not a workaholic but wanting to achieved that promotion driven me to work harder. I’ve had a lot of companies before but I never work as hard as I’ve been working now. Not a single day that I did not render over time. So when evaluation came out I did get a pretty decent result. I was happy thinking that working hard was paying off – was.
Then the career development plan and review came last week and you just can imagine the excitement I had – it was obviously written all over my face. Blah blah blah there goes our discussions among other things that I didn’t really mind because I was looking forward to that promoting discussion part. 1 year down, another year to go.
Then the discussion finally came to that promotion part, the first few words my AM told me almost ruined me but I tried so hard to hide my disappointment but to no avail. It was showing all over my entire body. “Oh about that promotion, I’m afraid I can’t give you that. To be honest there will be no opportunity for that – there is no opportunity for that given the fact how small our team is. Not in 2012, not even in 2015 where our project is supposed to sunset,” my AM told me straight face while I try to retain my composure.
I was silent. So silent that I could hear my blood rushing into my head and I felt light headed. She said a couple of things more but I really can’t figure it much because my mind can’t seem to process what she just said. My mind refused to process it all. I was beyond disappointed. It felt that I was played - that I was given false hope. I was furious. Furious at myself for letting me get fooled again. All I want that moment was to end that conversation. My AM continued to say a couple of things more but my mind was elsewhere.
The reason that I don’t give promises is the fact that I might disappoint someone when I’m not able to fulfill it (promise). I’m not saying that I'm perfect because I had a couple of promises that I broke too. So as much as possible I don’t let people promise me something because it pains me so much when they can’t fulfill their promises. It so (f*cking) frustrating when people break them (promises) because I hold on so much to that promises they gave me. But as usual, the idiot that I am, still holding on when someone promises me something. I’ll never learn. I guess there are things that you’ll never learn.
I felt betrayed. It hurts – still do. I can still imagine the smile my AM was trying so hard to hide or maybe I was just imagining it. My AM could have told me during our first discussion that there will be no opportunity for that so I won’t expect. Nonetheless, it sucks.
The Curios Cat
P.S. Image courtesy of http://khason.net/blog/teched-eilat-%E2%80%93-day-two-%E2%80%93-i-disappointed/