Monday, May 22, 2017

Fear

I had a dream last night. In my dream, my dad came back to our lives. He was talking about something and I just stood there listening with my mom. He was about to throw my books when I asked him not to. He look at me and told me that I better get rid of those. Then I remember why I was relieved long ago to know that he was leaving us. I remember how happy I was for I can finally do things on my own. I can finally be free from him.

I recalled when I was little how scared I am of my dad. That it felt like walking on egg shells when he's around. At night when I hear our car approaching from a far, me and my siblings would run to our room and pretend to be asleep. We don't want to greet him for he might find something he doesn't like and blame it on us. That we might found out that my mom was crying or drunk because of my dad. It's like being under a dictator around him. It's hard to breath around him.

In my dream, I joined my mom as she head to the front of my old grandparents house and begged my mom not to accept my dad again in our lives. As I was about to cry, I woke up.

I woke up feeling scared that my dream can come true. And deep in my heart, I wish it will not.

Xoxo

The Curios Cat